Character Pillars: Trustworthiness

Character isn't something you are born with. Character is something you develop over time. Perhaps one of the hardest 'pillars' to keep is Trustworthiness. 

Trust is something earned over time, but lost in a moment. While many in prison never develop trustworthiness in their lives, others banked a healthy deposit of trustworthiness, only to lose it all in a brief moment, or in a series of poor choices.

Trustworthiness encompasses qualities like honesty, integrity, reliability, and loyalty.

Once lost, trust is difficult to regain. Difficult, but not impossible. Prisoners and former prisoners are inherently mistrusted. Perhaps this is warranted. It's wise in today's world to require trust to be earned rather than freely given until violated.

But anyone, prisoner, former prisoner, or not, can earn trust again. They can rebuild a broken pillar of trustworthiness by investing in a life characterized by honesty, integrity, reliability and loyalty.

Consistent honesty in communication and conduct are essential to a life of trustworthiness. Integrity means being undivided. The same when someone's paying attention or not. 

Reliability means keeping your promised and avoiding unwise commitments. 

Loyalty involves putting the interests of certain people or affiliations above your own. It means a responsibility of looking after those interests.

Rebuilding trust is a long, hard process. But it's a process that pays dividends as much on the journey as at the destination.

Be wise in how you do it, but give people a chance to rebuild trust with you. Look for ways to foster growth of these qualities in yourself and others. Sometimes trust regained is more valuable than the trust that first was lost.

A Christmas Hope

I know I promised a follow-up on the Character Pillars and it will be coming. But I wanted to take advantage of the season to remind you, my dear readers, what this blog is about: HOPE. 

I heard something significant today that I thought I should share. It was that Hope is not something you lose. It's something you give up. The Christmas story holds so many examples of hope, and of people who held onto hope when it didn't make sense anymore. 

I love the example of Zacharias and Elizabeth, the parents of John "the Baptist". Both hoped for a child, but slowly they gave up hope as their age got in the way. But God (two of the most powerful words in the bible) had a different plan. He not only gave them their desire of a child but He gave them a son who became the one who prepared the way for the Messiah. 

Likewise, the Jewish people hoped for a savior from Roman oppression, but God gave them a Deliverer Who would redeem the world.

You see, God always finishes what He starts. So this Christmas season as you think on the situations in yoru life that you might have given up hope on, remember that you have to separate time from faith. God always carries out what He starts, and often in bigger ways than we could have hoped for. 

Merry Christmas my friends! May the God of Hope be with you. Be blessed, and be well.

Building on Character Pillars

I'm currently participating in an excellent program being offered to some prisoners in Michigan. Chance for Life offers a two-and-a-half year program in Michigan prisons that is designed to help people develop the skills that will enable them to turn their lives around and become productive members of society. CFL is hoping to become a wrap-around program for the MDOC and they are working towards that end.

In our recent class we were talking about the importance of building character, in particular the ones CFL calls 'Character Pillars'. Although other character qualities are probably as important, CFL focuses on Trustworthiness, Respect, Responsibility, Fairness, Caring, and Citizenship. These are considered by CFL, the six core ethical values, and as such are considered 'pillars' on which the rest of our character rests. 

Surprisingly, many prisoners hold others (and sometimes themselves) to a high standard of ethics in some areas of their lives. The problem is congruence. It's easy to show respect to those you hold respect for, and then not only fail to, but refuse to give it to others. 

The next few posts I'll talk about these character pillars and in particular, how they relate to Michigan prisoners.

A New Kind of Normal

I recently finished reading 'A New Kind of Normal' by Carol Kent. In this book she talks about the new normal and different mindset she and her husband had to adjust to after their only son was convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison. 

I think it's easy as a prisoner to forget the new normal our family must adjust to when we come to prison. We get caught up in the drama of prison life and start worrying about how we can pay for tennis shoes or snacks to supplement the piss-poor meals they serve us. We can end up losing sight of how our actions have rippled into a tidal-wave often catching our loved ones in its destructive path. If, like me, the prisoner has an out date, some family can get caught up in a mental holding pattern, always thinking in terms of 'when he gets home'. 

What's important for prisoners (and their loved ones) to remember is that life goes on. The beauty of life isn't found in a future of maybes, but in the joys of today. Sometimes it's hard to find joy in today when you're separated from your loved ones, or when your plans have to be adjusted because your father, brother, or son is locked up. But joy can be found in each day, even in the midst of a prison environment. 

By choosing your focus you can choose to find joy in today...and be sure to share it with your loved one in prison!

For more information on author Carol Kent and her prison ministry 'Speak Up for Hope', visit  www.SpeakUpForHope.org 

Limitless Hope

When I started this blog, I named it "Hope on the Inside" because of
how important I believe hope is, both to those in prison, and those
outside. 

Regardless of the particular circumstances, whenever someone
is in the midst of a crisis or significant shift in life, sometimes
hope is what makes the difference between carrying on and giving up.
It also determines whether you thrive or just survive.

The problem with hope is that sometimes it disappoints. Sometimes it
doesn't deliver on time and sometimes not at all. The key is in what
(or on Whom) your hope lies.

In her book, "As Silver Refined", author Kay Arthur observed, "When we
lose hope, in essence it's because we believe that God's
lovingkindnesses have ceased - that there's nothing more we can expect
from God, that he's reached His limit."

To me, holding onto hope is believing not only in God's limitless
supply, but also believing in His willingness to use that supply in my
life. Sometimes I want to come to God selfishly wanting my way, in my
time, but I know that part of God's goodness is knowing what is right
for me, and when it's right for me.

Choosing hope means surrendering my will for something far better:
whatever it is God has planned for me.

I love seeing God work in ways I've never thought of before. It always
brings a smile to my face when God surprises me.
Keep hope, my friends. The Author of hope never disappoints.

You can make a difference

There's a divide a big as the Grand Canyon between the public's desire to reduce crime and the public's understanding of the most important components necessary to reduce re-offense by Michigan prisoners. Michigan's solution to crime has been to grow the prison industry to the point where Michigan prisoners now serve nearly 17 months longer on average than other states. Also, from 1980 to 2010 Michigan's prison population increased 191% while the state's population increased only 6.7%! (MI-CURE, May 2013).

Unfortunately, Michigan has also significantly cut or eliminated programs that would reduce the rate of re-offense. Federal budget cuts have further reduced the opportunities available to Michigan prisoners. Some may believe that it's pointless to advocate for prisoners, but groups ilke MI-CURE (www.mi-cure.org), and others, advocate for prisoners because they know that to reduce crime, especially re-offenses, that prisoners must be rehabilitated, not just housed. 

Some ways that you can make a difference in the life of a Michigan prisoner include:

* Stay in touch. A steady connection with family, friends, and the community is proven to reduce the re-offense rate. Existing prison phone rates in Michigan make this hard for most prisoners. 

* Support self-directed growth opportunities. Provide feedback and assistance when a prisoner takes initiative on his own for self-improvement. Encourage them to pursue opportunities for spiritual, emotional, and psychological growth and maturity. Recommend or purchase books and ask for feedback. 

* Connect with advocacy groups to stay abreast of issues in Michigan prisons. Check out MI-Cure (www.mi-cure.org) for more information.

* Ask specific questions. General questions, like "how are you?" will likely not tell you what's really going on in a prisoner's life. 

* Provide financial support or help in finding financial support for education. Prisoners have time to educate themselves (college degrees or certifications), but Pell Grants are no longer available to prisoners. Prisoners do not have access to research scholarships, grants or foundations to apply to.

* For prisoners being released soon, help with employment  housing, and other issues to help the prisoner succeed on parole.

* Celebrate achievements. Whether it's getting a GED, completing a vocational training class, finishing a bible study program, or taking a college class, show enthusiasm for the accomplishment. Most prisoners are serial failures and the encouragement goes a long way. 

Although the state has become more focused on the retributive nature of prison, you can help Michigan prisoners remember that they are people with value and potential. you can help someone keep hope on the inside alive.

The Phoenix Collection

Sometimes prison can make people delve deeply into their creativity. Trust me, there are a LOT of people in prison full of creativity. 

Recently I made arrangements with my brother to sell items I'm making in my spare time. It might seem laughable that a middle-aged man is crocheting, but frankly, it's a way to support myself while in prison. It also occupies my spare time with something useful. I'm just starting so there aren't many items listed yet, but check it out: 

https://www.etsy.com/shop/PhoenixCollection

Be sure to check back regularly for new items, and fee free to share this link on Facebook or Twitter if you like it. I hope to add other things that other prisoners have made too.

Write a Prisoner, Make their day!

For most prisoners, communication with the outside world is a highlight of the day. Whether it's a phone call to a loved one, a letter at mail time, or an 'email' (using JPay.com) in your inbox, it means a brief touch with the outside world and often a way to transport oneself mentally from the confines of these fences.

Shameless plug: If you'd like to write the author of this blog (even to comment on the blog contents), you may do so at:
Bryan Noonan #739416
Lakeland Correctional Facility
141 First Street
Coldwater, MI 49036

(Be sure to check the author's profile on this blog to ensure this is the most recent address.)

While technology advances in the free world at a quick pace, technology in prison is decades behind. Prisoners are able to buy MP3 players, but the price of an 8GB, Chinese-made player is over $100! the cost of songs is $1.50 per song. Color tv's only became available to Michigan prisoners around five years ago. Email, by way of JPay.com, has been available for about two years. However, prisoners have no access to online education (often free), even through an Intranet. Although this is apparently changing soon, research in the law libraries is still done all on (often outdated) books. Prisoners still use typewriters, although small laptops without Internet capabilities have been available in the free world for years. 

While many people in the free world are able to call anywhere in the US and 60+ other countries for the low rate of $9.99 per month, with unlimited minutes using VOIP, prisoners are paying over $0.23/minute for debit calls, and their loved ones over $0.25/minute for collect calls. 

The prices for snack food items and cosmetics has steadily risen, often at a rate of over 10% per increase, without any increases in wages paid to working prisoners. The last increase was over 20 years ago! Most prisoners make an average of $0.84/day (yes, that's per day!). Hardly enough to pay for the necessities such as soap, deodorant and shampoo, let alone the high prices of phone calls and such. 

You might be surprised that Michigan prisoners are paid at all, but while other states offer Good Time (time off sentences for good behavior), Michigan has no such incentive. The high cost of incarceration is laid heavily on the backs of the prisoner's families, most of whom are counted among the poorest of our society. Whether or not you believe Michigan prisoners should bear the entire burden of their incarceration, the fact is the prisoner's loved ones often carry much of the financial burden.

Taser Use in Michigan Prisons

In the last couple of years Michigan decided to bring tasers into its prisons, allegedly to provide additional protection to the staff members and corrections officers during altercations. While it sounds good on its face, the introduction of tasers into Michigan prisons has created some controversy because of the potential for abuse.

Tasers do have potential to provide additional protection for the staff and officers during altercations, involving both inmate on inmate, and inmate on staff assaults. Proper training and following of protocol can reduce the abuse of these tools. However, the policies set for proper usage are exempt from public examination so we cannot know what the standards are. Additionally, the MDOC has a track record of covering for their own ,so abuse that does occur is unlikely to be corrected, or disciplined. There is a significant lack of accountability.

I personally have observed tasers being used to break up a fight between two inmates with nothing more than a one-second warning before being discharged into an inmate. Hardly enough time for a response by the inmate.

There is little evidence that the use of tasers has reduced the rate of injury to either inmates or staff during altercations and recent data published by MI-Cure http://www.mi-cure.org/node/1 seems to indicate that the use of tasers has made no difference at all.

Perhaps the most frustrating part of all is that the state of Michigan signed a contract for inmate phone services that more than doubled the per-minute rate of phone calls for inmates and their families specifically to include a surcharge to pay for the tasers and other 'tactical gear' for corrections officers. This was despite a Michigan law that prohibited the use of 'surcharges' on inmate phone rates, a law the MDOC apparently believes themselves to be above.

According to my own observations, taser use is much more prevalent in the higher security level prisons. It was nearly a weekly occurrence in the level four prison I was housed in, but since coming to a lower level (level II) I am aware of only a few uses in the nine months I've been here thus far.

I'm not entirely opposed to tasers being used in prisons, but there needs to be more transparency and accountability, and the MDOC needs to bear the burden of the cost, not pile it on the backs of inmates and their families. Phone calls are an essential part of maintaining a connection with family and the community which is proven to reduce the rate of recidivism. The higher costs of phone calls has a significant impact on a prisoner's ability to stay in touch.

Misconducts in Michigan Prisons

Coming to prison is often not the end of 'punishment' for Michgian prisoners. Many prisoners continue to regard authority of any kind with distain  and the administration has a series of misconduct reports ("tickets") they hand out, often very freely, in return.

Misconducts are broken down into three categories: Tiers I, II and III. Tier III is for very minor infractions such as violation of a posted rule (messy bunk area, or carrying food from the chow hall for example). There is virtually no hearing or due process provided when a prisoner is issued a Tier III violation. The penalty is usually anywhere from a verbal reprimand and 'counseling' to a few days of LOP. This is a minor 'loss of privileges' such as phone and microwave use, and yard restrictions. 

Tier II offenses include stealing, possession of stolen property, insolence to an officer, and so forth. While an inmate can request a hearing investigator and witnesses, the investigator is from administration and rarely interviews witnesses. There is nearly an automatic 'guilty' finding on most Tier II offenses, whether guilty or not. The administration is rarely interested in actual facts, and some officers fabricate offenses to harass inmates they have problems with or don't like. While some inmates would have you believe this happens often, I suspect it's not as widespread as some might believe. Most Tier II misconducts carry a few days LOP or Top Lock (more restrictive than LOP). Some may cause you to lose your prison job, or land you in the hole for a short stay. 

Tier I offenses include fighting, threatening behavior, nearly all sexual offenses, and so forth. These are more serious and usually include an automatic trip to segregation (the hole). Policy requires a hearing to be conducted within a few days so a not-guilty finding won't keep someone in segregation unduly. Hearing investigators are nearly automatic and the results are often the same as Tier II offenses. While it's possible to be found not guilty on a misconduct, most of the time these occur from technical violations such as the officer using the wrong misconduct code on the ticket. The hearing officers almost never believe an inmate over an officer, regardless of the evidence. 

Tier I and II offenses include "points" that go on your prison record and can contribute to transferring to a higher security level, and may even effect parole. Staying misconduct free, and maintaining a job are two ways to reduce your points and therefore make you eligible for reduced security levels. 

It's difficult to maintain a misconduct-free record in prison, but it's not impossible. Most inmates who receive misconducts regularly resist authority and they accept the misconducts as part of the consequences.

Michigan Prison Levels

Michigan Prisons are divided into several different levels. Level five is the most restrictive and is usually referred to as "Maximum security" or "Max" for short. Other than the few prisoners assigned jobs, prisoners are locked down 23 hours a day. Meals are brought to your cell, yard time is alone in a cage outside, showers are in a cage or in cuffs, and you must request legal research material to be brought to your cell (for appeals). 

In a level five you have your own cell and socialization is restricted to who can hear you through your locked door. Although nationwide the tide is turning against long-term use of such isolated and restrictive custody due to mental health issues, Michigan still espouses the use of maximum security as a long-term custody solution.

Level four prisons have between one and three yard times depending on the prison. More prisoners have jobs, which range from working in the kitchen, yard crew, maintenance, various clerks and house unit porters (janitors). Those without jobs are either waiting to be assigned one, or are attending school to get their GED. A large percentage of prisoners do not have a high school diploma. 

Level four prisons often have more violence than lower levels because those that catch fighting and assault tickets (i.e., those with higher assault risk) are sent to a level four as part of their custody management. The ratio of corrections officers to prisoners is much higher in level four prisons as well. Shake-downs are common as are lock-downs due to fights. Level four prisons have limited programming available, basically restricted to some required classes. Housing is generally limited to two man cells, but single cells are available in select prisons.

Level one and level two prisons generally have open yard except during count times or meal times. Housing is two man, or four man cells (level two only), or six, or eight man (sometimes more) cubicles. The ratio of officers to inmates is lower and movement is less controlled. 

The programming available in level one and two prisons often includes non-mandatory classes designed to help prisoners gain additional skills or education. In the prison I'm currently at, this include classes such as "Business Plan Writing", "CDL training" (written test only), "Ethics", "Food Tech", "Business Education Technology" (Microsoft Certified), and others. Other prisons also offer things like auto mechanics, welding, horticulture, and other skills, but recent cutbacks have severely limited the availability of these programs, and are threatening others. All non-mandatory classes are based on first-come, first-serve basis.

Lower levels often include additional options for recreation, and hobbycraft, and sometimes other privileges such as a personal garden (must be misconduct free).
Next time, Misconducts and Tasers.

Your next stop in Michigan Prisons

Where you go from Quarantine is determined by several factors, including your sentence length, your crime (in some cases), your home region, your prior prison or jail conduct, and where your known enemies or co-defendants are housed. 

Prisoners with sentences of more than seven years start out in a level four prison. Only level five is higher in security and this is reserved for prisoners who have attempted escape, or severely assaulted staff and in some cases other inmates. A fight will usually not do it, it has be more serious. 

Prisoners must stay in a level four prison until they have less than seven years on their sentence, or they served three years in a level four. To transfer to a lower (less restrictive) level you must have not accumulated too many points by catching tickets for misconducts. Too many or any serious misconducts will keep you in a level four. 

Those requiring a single cell designation because of their crime or predatory behavior while in prison will remain in a level four prison until that designation is removed (often many years).

Prisoners with more than three years, but less than seven start out in a level two prison (there's no level three anymore), and those with less than three start in a level one prison. Each level has different levels of restrictions and different access to DOC programming and various privileges. 

Next time... the levels defined.

What's Prison Like in Michigan?

People who have never been to prison in Michigan or who are not closely connected to someone who has, may wonder what prison is like in Michigan. The next few posts I'll shed a little light on what it's like. 

After being sentenced to prison your first stop is Quarantine in Jackson Michigan. After sometimes months in the county jail, Quarantine is your first opportunity to go outside. Since this is a first stop for all prisoners, the population is a mix of parole violators looking at only a few months in prison to murderers serving life sentences. 

Quarantine is very crowded and you're stuffed in like sardines. Mealtimes are rushed and you're only allowed one hour of yard time per day. Inmates are paraded into the showers where you have a very short time to wash up before being told your time is up. 

Because Quarantine is not designed for long-term housing, the 20+ hours a day spent in your crowded and dilapidated cell is overwhelmingly boring. Access to books and writing materials is severely limited. Access to proper hygiene supplies is minimal and staff have little to no concern if you stink. Many inmates catch "tickets" meaning their privileges are restricted further, often carrying into whatever prison they are eventually transferred to. 

In Quarantine you're evaluated (briefly) by a psychologist, and DOC counselor. Here you designate your religion, get evaluated by medical staff, get reviewed for STG status (gang affiliation), and are given a "plan" for your stay in prison. This includes programming you're required to take, as well as school or vocational "counseling". Your time in Quarantine often ranges from three weeks to three months.

Next time... your next stop after Quarantine.

Cause and Effect

I've been thinking a lot about cause and effect lately. I think it's a concept most people are familiar with, but one that many people give very little thought to in day-to-day behaviors.

It's easy to say that most prisoners weren't thinking about cause and effect when they committed their crimes, and you'd be mostly right in saying so.

But in the same way someone justifies a cookie "just this once" when they are dieting, a criminal often goes through the same sort of rationalization in his behavior. You'll be hard pressed to find a prisoner who expected to be caught. I've said before that if you lie to yourself often enough, you'l soon come to believe your own lies. And expecting to "get away with it" is a big lie. So, maybe it starts with a lie that you have a right to something that belongs to another. And then it won't hurt them if you take it because insurance will cover it. Soon those 'smaller' lies graduate to something much more dangerous.

The effect of compounding compromises is devastating. It takes a lot of discipline and strength of character to refuse to accept wrong thinking, but it's essential to preventing wrong behavior. For all wrong behavior starts with wrong thinking.

So the next time you start making excuses for yourself, no matter how small, remember that ever decision you make in your mind reinforces a belief from which future behavior is born.

Are your dreams bigger than your memories?

Memories are powerful forces in our lives. They have the power to cause debilitating fear because of a past experience, and to trigger the release of dopamine in our brains because of a past pleasure. In fact, I dare say that memories are one of the most powerful influences in our lives. 

But memories sometimes have a way of being an inaccurate picture of reality. The pleasure of a new life dampens the memory of the pain of childbirth with time (or so I'm told). And the trauma of a bad experience can overshadow the good memories of the same time. 

Memories can also be a motivation to help us make better choices. As we think back to the results of poor past choices our memories can be the push we need to choose rightly this time. 

Sometimes though, memories can hold us back from growing in our life. They can be an anchor that keeps us tied to the harbor of our past instead of the wind that blows us into a better future. Dreams and aspirations are important to motivate us towards growth, but if we are held back by the significance of our memories of the past we might be robbing ourselves of our future potential. 

So let me ask you this: Are your dreams bigger than your memories?

Should I Emulate You?

I recently heard a statistic that if you came to prison before your 25th birthday that you stood a nearly 100% chance of returning to prison, if you are ever released. 

That's a truly sobering statistic, but the sad fact is that it makes sense. It's said that whatever state of maturity you were when you came to prison, that's where you stay. That can't possibly be true for everyone, but prison has a way of keeping people stuck at their particular level of maturity. If you aren't proactive in educating yourself and developing a healthy psychology, and a meaningful spiritual self, you most certainly are likely to get stuck in an unhealthy immaturity. 

Unfortunately, the DOC doesn't provide many resources or incentives to help one achieve these objectives. Frankly, I don't believe they are interested in putting in the work necessary to truly reduce recidivism. But that's only part of the problem.

There's such a strong pull for the younger men in prison to belong to something that will help them feel significant, and standing out, or seeking to educate yourself, or correct behaviors that are accepted by your peers is counterproductive to these short-sighted desires. 

Most men in prison didn't have mature men to emulate, and coming to prison doesn't fix that problem. But there are a few who can make a difference, no matter how insignificant is seems. I've also learned through experience that people have to want to change before it's possible to help them change. It's easy to get cynical in prison and believe that nobody wants to change, but they're here. You just have to keep your eyes and ears open and catch them before they get sucked into the negativity that runs rampant in prison and lose their desire to become better men. 

It's not easy, but I'm determined to make a difference where I am, whenever I can. And that starts by being someone I'd be proud to have someone else emulate.

Tribute to Grandpa Bauer

I was saddened to hear about the passing of my grandpa Bauer recently. I have many fond memories of my grandpa and he will be dearly missed! I'll miss his hardy laugh and huge smile. I'll miss his deep love for his family. He was a very successful man who thrived in a leadership role in business and also used those skills to do good through the Shriners and Masons. I always admired his relationship with my grandma too who I'm sure is missing him terribly. I love you grandpa... thanks for everything!

Something to look forward to

I recently heard someone say that everyone needs three things to feel significance in their lives:

Something to Do
Someone to Love
Something to Look Forward To

This struck me as important for prisoners because prisoners have nothing to do, no one to love (and they don't know how if they do), and nothing to look forward to.

The "Something to Do" is something with significance. It's not just busy work, but something that makes a difference. Anyone can busy themselves with work, or play, but if they have nothing to do in their lives that has significance than it's not really "Something to Do".

Loving someone and being loved by someone are both basic human needs. It's difficult to feel significance in your life if you don't have someone in your life to love. You need someone to share things with, both joys and sorrows, and someone who loves you unconditionally. Many prisoners feel unloved long before they committed their crimes, but coming to prison only exacerbates the problem. Those who have someone to love (and love them back) often don't know how to have a successful relationship and end up sabotaging that relationship.

"Something to look forward to" is the hope that everyone needs in the future. It may be hope for a goal achieved, a relationship healed, a successful business, children safely and 'properly' raised, or a host of other possibilities. But prison is filled with hopelessness. Men and women who look forward to the time when they may be released from prison and are unsure of what awaits them on the other side. Perhaps they've been down a long time, or their family support has dies or faded away. Perhaps they have been unable to keep up their skills and don't know what work awaits them. Or perhaps they fear the demons that they will have to face again, drug addiction, alcohol abuse, and other addictions. 

Prisoners aren't the only ones who need significance in their life though. Take a little time for some self-examination and ask yourself, "Do I have something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to?" Maybe it's time to focus on something that will give you significance again.

Forgiveness

Recently a prison official was killed in Colorado, supposedly by a gang member who had just been released from prison. This is a tragedy any way that you look at it. That's why I was struck by what the wife of the murdered man said when interviewed by CNN. She said that her husband had told her that many of the victims of prisoners were in a prison of their own through unforgiveness. She was choosing to forgive the man who murdered her husband because she refused to imprison herself through unforgiveness.

Forgiveness is extremely important for victims of crimes so that they do not make worse their victimization. It's probably the most important element of healing from what was done to them (or their loved one). But I realize it's hard to do. It's so much easier to hold onto their anger and bitterness and to justify it because of what was done to them. But holding onto this anger and bitterness only imprisons the victim. 

Forgiveness is important for prisoners too. Forgiveness from the victim (or family) is important for healing, both mentally and emotionally. Also important though is the prisoner's ability to forgive himself. When your crime has devastated not just yourself (through imprisonment and loss), but your family, who has to deal with the numerous consequences of your crime and subsequent imprisonment, the guilt and shame can be overwhelming. 

I recently spoke with a man who is serving time for killing two people while driving drunk. He told me that there's not a day that goes by that he doesn't think about his victims and their families and the loss the he caused. He'll go home in a few years and be able to start his life over, and for some that doesn't seem like justice since he took two lives. But for some prisoners, the guilt of what they did will be a lifelong prison they'll live in. You might ask why he shouldn't live with that prison of guilt?

When you can't forgive yourself, you give power to the person you were, making it impossible to change. Forgiving oneself does not mean living with no regrets. I'll always regret what I did and all the loss and pain it caused. But I choose to forgive myself because I refuse to empower the man I was, to hold me back from the man I'm becoming. 

I can only pray that in time, those who need to will free themselves by forgiving me. Forgiveness doesn't excuse the behavior, Forgiveness prevents the behavior from destroying your heart.

What's stuck in your craw?

I've heard it said before that when someone is violently opposed to or highly outspoken about something that he may take this position because of an unconscious (or perhaps conscious) self-hatred. Like the Republican Congressman who carried the banner against gay rights (was VERY opposed), and then it came to light that he was having a sexual relationships with male interns who worked for him. 

Or the guy in my unit who is serving two life sentences for murder. He's proud of the fact that he killed two child molesters, and yet he finds the youngest guy he can in our unit to have a sexual relationship with. Self-hatred resulting in Life in prison? Maybe...
We can use our own irritations to shed light on our own issues. For me, I find that arrogant people really irritate me. I'm aware that arrogance is often a mask for insecurity, but when someone adamantly claims to be right 100% of the time, or acts as if they know it all, I don't want to be around them. 

But I'm also aware that perhaps the main reason arrogance irritates me so much is that I too can often be arrogant. So, while it's not necessarily a given, being aware of your own triggers or irritations can reveal "blindspots" about yourself that you might not have known or perhaps have been suppressing. 

Final Four

Go Michigan! Sorry Michigan State, Ohio State and Notre Dame fans... :)
I'm not even a basketball fan, but I've gotta root for my team!

Environmental Responsibility

I've never considered myself an environmentalist, but I'm probably on the conscientious side of the spectrum. I've always found it frustrating that recycling hasn't become the norm. It seems like a no-brainer to me. I've also found unnecessary waste to be stupid, clear-cut logging to be irresponsible, over-fishing to be short-sighted, and industrial pollution criminal.

I also believe fracking for natural gas is dangerous and should be banned until more studies have been conducted to determine its effect on ground water and other environmental factors.

The environmental impacts of prisons is a lot greater than you might think. The paper-waste is astounding, the electrical waste just plain stupid, and the water-waste frightening. With diminishing reserves of fresh water and the hundreds of millions of people without access to clean water around the world, it's hard to not be chagrined when at 6AM I walk into the bathroom, when only a handful of people are up, to see five of seven faucets turned on high (not being used) for no apparent reason. This is not an uncommon occurrence. Faucets with automatic shut-offs after 30 seconds would solve this problem, but that would require forward-thinking: something the DOC is not known for.

Prison inmates have no desire or motivation to save the DOC money, and you'd be hard pressed to find five out of one-thousand inmates or officers that care about the environment. It's time for government to start leading the way in environmental responsibility.

People Watching

I've always found it fascinating to watch people. Not in a voyeuristic way, but in an observatory sort of intrigue. I remember sitting in the Oakbrook Mall years ago just watching rich people shop at Tiffany's, Lord and Taylor, and Neimen Marcus. I think my fascination with psychology drove me to try to understand what made these people tick. Interestingly enough, I observed a lot of highly stressed, unhappy people toting bags of "therapy" adorned with logos of prestige. As if the very act of shopping could lessen their sense of hopelessness. I suppose for some it did, at least temporarily. But I digress...

People watching is no longer just an interesting diversion for me. In prison people watching may mean the difference between life and death. It is absolutely necessary to not only be observant of your surroundings, but to watch people and the changes in their behaviors in order to avoid being caught in the middle of violence or drama.

In prison someone you might laugh and joke with one day can turn on you the next. Your only chance for avoiding these situations is to watch people and stay vigilant at all times. This environment will make you super-sensitive to people's ever-changing moods.

The Power of the Tongue

I heard a great message today that included the verse, "Death and life are in the power of the tongue."

I know that I have been guilty of saying rash things in the heat of anger, not realizing how damaging they are at the time. What's worse? We often direct our most hurtful tirades against those we hold most dear. 

But what about speaking other things? We give power to things by speaking them. Sort of like self-fulfilling prophesies. Things like, "I'll never find another job as good as the one I lost", or My relationship is beyond repair." 

What we speak is a reflection of our thoughts. Whether directed at others ("You'll never amount to anything!", "You never do this or that"), or at ourselves or our circumstances ("I'll never succeed", "Maybe I'm just meant to be alone").

Emerson said, "The ancestor of every action is a thought." I would say that thoughts are ancestors of our words too.

The Apostle James said that our mouths should not be used for both blessing and cursing. 

So today you're faced with the same decision made by the ancient Israelites.  God said, "Today I place before you a blessing and a curse." He left it to them to choose. So, you too are left with a choice. Will you bring a blessing on yourself and others or will you choose a curse?  The power is in your tongue.

How do you set your sails?

There's a poem that says essentially, "It's not the direction of the wind that blows, but how we set our sails that makes all the difference."

The suffering we experience, whether caused by our own poor choices, or by the choices of others, are these 'storms' of life. Often we have no control over these 'winds.' We can't change our past decision, and when our suffering is caused by others we have no control over that either. 

So how do some people thrive in the midst of adversity? How can a woman like Corrie Ten Boom face years of torture and humiliation in a concentration camp and come out the other side smiling, and kindly ministering to others?

Or how can Tenzin Choedrak (the personal physician to the Dalai Lama), who was one of five out of one hundred prisoners who survived nearly twenty years of torture, starvation, and forced labor, display no sign of anger or bitterness at his circumstances or his torturers?

I'm sure you can think of many examples, perhaps even of someone you know, who survived terrible circumstances and came out the other side 'smiling.' The key in every instance is the person's chosen response to the hardships of their life. It's how they 'set their sails' when faced with stormy winds. 

Choosing to think differently is not easy or natural. We all want to wallow in our own self-pity, and sometimes we might even be justified in doing so. But by choosing to purposefully think differently about our suffering, we can go from being buffeted and blown about aimlessly, to sailing at high speed to a life of contentment and happiness.
Thinking differently is defined in different ways depending on what your particular suffering is. 

For me, I refuse to let prison make me angry and bitter. Instead, I set my sails in a direction that will make me a better man. This means a daily 'tacking' of my sails to keep me in the right direction.

So, how do you set your sails? Or are you being driven aimlessly by the winds of your life?

Pervasive Ignorance

I've been in prison now for nearly four years and I'm still blown away by the rampant ignorance I see and hear every day. Just the other day I heard an argument over the number of U.S. states. The guy arguing swore up and down there were fifty-two states. He couldn't name them, but still swore he was right. What's worse? Of the dozen or so people he asked, over HALF said fifty-two! Many claimed that's what they were taught in school. 

United States geography aside, the more offending ignorance is the pervasive racism. I refuse to use the term, "reverse-racism" as if racism originated with and is capitalized only by whites. 

There is certainly a segment of the white inmate population who espouse the ignorance of racism. But perhaps because they are the minority in prison, whites are much more discriminated against. What's most surprising to me is the racism against light-skinned blacks. Perhaps because their blood is somehow 'tainted' by their white ancestry, as if they had any control over that. 

This racism is fed by the ignorant teachings of so-called religious organizations who feed their followers the drivel of race superiority. but I think these belief systems originate in the families and cultures the inmates grew up in.

Maybe racism isn't as strong as it used to be in the free-world, but in prison it's still very much alive.

Shame Interrupted

I'm reading an excellent book right now titled, 'Shame Interrupted' by Edward T. Welch. It's an easy to read, excellent book about how God fits into the healing of our pain of worthlessness and rejection.

Most prisoners deal with feelings of shame, worthlessness, and rejection. Some put on fronts that they are proud of what they did, and I suspect some actually are. But I would bet that most, if they are honest, would admit that they not only feel regret and shame for doing what landed them in prison, but that shame played a very integral part in their lives prior to committing their crimes. 

Shame can be caused by what you did, or by what was done to you. It can be caused by addictions, failures, parents who ignored or belittled you, abuse, previous felony convictions, or a host of other things. 
What really stands out to me is how shame can be a huge factor in what motivated someone to commit a crime, but that one of the first consequences of those crimes is more shame. It's a repeating cycle of compounding shame. 

Shame for oneself, which leads to behaviors to attempt to bury that shame, which leads to committing crimes to support those behaviors (or sometimes the behaviors themselves are crimes), which leads to shame for committing crimes. 

Of course, the point of incarceration is not to deal with the underlying causes of why someone committed crime in the first place. It's about separation, which only reinforces the feelings of worthlessness and rejection. 

After serving their time, ex-convicts must still deal with the shame of their crimes. When applying for jobs there are huge gaps in their employment history, that little box to check on employment applications ("Have you ever been convicted of a crime?"), and some even have to register as a sex offender, further compounding their own shame. 

Society cares very little about seeing ex-convicts live productive lives free from committing further crimes. The emphasis is on separating and isolating ex-convicts, not dealing with the issues that led to their crimes in the first place. 

This issue is a complicated and costly one. It’s not easy to deal with the source of a problem. It's easier to put a Band-Aid on it and hope it goes away. 

Today's incarceration-happy society would rather hack at the branches of crime by locking up the criminals and throwing away the key instead of targeting the causes of these crimes, and using an approach of restorative justice. Attacking the effect and not the cause will never solve the problem. 

Shame is a cancer that, if left untreated, results in imprisonment, whether physically or in your own mind. 
Understanding the cause of shame is important, but so is understanding how God fits into the solution. If you're dealing with shame in your own life, I highly recommend that you read Welch's book.

Congruent Character

I was moved this morning as I heard a grown man honor his father when he said, 'There was never a gap between what dad taught and what he lived. His integrity was solid in all he did.'

Of course, I wish I had lived as such so my children could say the same about me. How confusing it must be to our children when we tell them one thing, and do another ourselves! We weaken the impact of our lessons when we fail to live them in our own lives.

This is all connected to authentic living. We must take daily, incremental steps to develop congruency in our character, not only for the sake of our children and others we influence, but for our own good too. 

It is exhausting and confusing to our own selves when we say one thing, but do another. When we claim to believe one way, but act another. 

Since actions are the fruit of thoughts, we must be vigilant to cultivate good patterns of thought. To reject thoughts of hatred, self-doubt, selfishness, unfaithfulness, or anything else that would weaken our will to live what we say we believe.

We must feed and nourish thoughts that yield the fruit of right living: Peace, love, forgiveness, temperance, hope and others. 

Congruent character begins in the mind