Regret As a Force For Change?

I saw a Toyota Corolla commercial on TV the other day that appealed to people's sense of adventure. Using an old cliche, the voice-over stated that years from now the viewers would have more things they wish they had done rather than things they would regret having done. This is a twist on the deathbed wish of spending more time with family and less time at the office. 

The fact is, everybody has regrets. Some of these regrets are for not having done the things one wished to do. Sometimes people have perpetual bucket lists as if fulfilling these wishes would make them happy. Unfortunately, the achievement of this happiness is often temporary and so the pursuit continues. Sure, a new Toyota Corolla might make you happy for a short time, but eventually it'll just be a mode of transportation, moving you from one place to another in a schedule too hectic to enjoy the pleasure of a new car.

Many prisoners have deep regrets for the things they were unable to do in life, or for lifers and long-termers, the things they will no longer be able to do in life. But more often, I believe prisoners regret the things they have done. Sure, not all prisoners regret their past harmful behavior, but the vast majority that I know do. Many of the men I know in prison carry around with them a deep burden of regret with no way to unburden themselves from that weight. I know many prisoners who long for a way to make right the wrongs they have done, to help heal they harms they have caused, and wasting away in prison is not an antidote to these harms, for either the victim or offender. Yes, punishment is an important part of criminal justice, but so is giving offenders an opportunity to right their wrongs through pro-social actions. Simply being separated from the community of people who offenders have harmed does nothing to heal those harms. It's like putting a Band-Aid over a wound where gangrene has already set in.

Offenders can take small, individual actions on their own to help make right their wrongs (like donating a portion of their meager prison wages to organizations that help victims like their own), but without the proper support from people outside of prison, even these small actions may make very little difference. Without a way to help right one's wrongs, many prisoners just live with that deep regret, and it eats away at their soul, day-by-day.

Perhaps the solution to this problem is for those who are free and who regret not doing something more transformational with their lives to pair with those who regret having done so much harm (prisoners) to bring about true healing and transformation in the lives of victims, communities, and offenders who are affected by crime. Are you up to the challenge?