How to Minister to Children of Incarcerated Parents

Years ago I had a brother who (ironically) worked for Prison Fellowship, the prison ministry started by formerly disgraced presidential counsel, Chuck Colson. Through my brother and the church I attended at the time, I became aware of a holiday ministry to the children of incarcerated parents. The Angel Tree project connects local church congregations with children in their communities who have a parent in prison, enabling the church-goer to purchase gifts for the children. From what I remember, "ornaments" hanging on a tree in the church lobby would contain the gender and age of a child, along with a few items the child wishes for. Church members would purchase gifts for the children, but meeting the children was not automatic. It sometimes felt like an impersonal way to minister to needs, like dropping money in an offering plate. 

My own family participated in this ministry for a couple of years, but we were able to meet the children. It was a great joy for us to bless three young children in one family, even having them and their mother to our house one night for dinner. It was a way for our family to decenter ourselves from our own material desires during the holidays, recognizing how blessed we already were and choosing to share those blessings with others. 

Angel Tree is a wonderful ministry; however, now having the perspective of a prisoner, I recognize just how many devastating consequences children of incarcerated parents experience. Struggles during the holidays are just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. These children often experience significantly higher risks of failing in school, experiencing bullying and abuse, living in poverty, and, sadly, also committing crimes in the future. 

Ministries to children of incarcerated parents, like Angel Tree, are wonderful interventions in these children's lives, but the vast majority suffer in silence. Other organizations, like Big Brother Big Sister and others, attempt to intervene with after-school tutoring and connecting children with adult mentors. But much more can be done. Many incarcerated men, and probably women, are unable to be active in their children's lives because of obstruction of the children's caretakers. Whether children end up in foster care, are in the care of relatives, or even in the care of a parent, their incarcerated parent often has no power to ensure they stay in their children's lives. Both the parent and their children end up suffering for it. 

Sadly, it is the choices of the incarcerated parents that cause such harm to their children in the first place, but their children suffer doubly when they are kept from parents who love them. Blessing children who have a parent in prison by buying them gifts is wonderful, but if you really want to help, get involved in their lives. Help them succeed in school, navigate the confusing world of having a parent in prison, and avoid bullying and abuse that so many suffer from. Help meet their physical needs and learn to avoid making poor choices that will lead them down the same paths their parent took. And if possible, help them connect with their parent in prison. It could be the greatest gift you'll ever give them.