Be the Exception, Not the Rule

Rules are necessary in prison. Of course, some rules are pointless and serve no comprehensible purpose. But as a rule, rules help keep order and peace. For people who have been convicted of breaking laws, the structure of rules can feel constraining at times, but that structure can also provide a framework within which one can grow. Rules not only set boundaries, though. They also provide measurements. They measure how well one obeys authorities, and they define acceptable standards to live by for a particular culture or community. 

Rules can also be thought of as standards. For example, the term "as a general rule" refers to something that is a norm. Case in point, as a general rule, prison wardens are out of touch with their prison populations, are rarely seen by prisoners, and their only concern seems to be security. So, the warden at MTU who retired Friday was an exception, not the rule. He was a staunch advocate for prisoner rehabilitation, particularly through vocational training and education. He believed in the redemptive value of those he was charged with overseeing. He'll be greatly missed at this prison. 

Another general rule is that corrections officers are to remain detached from prisoners. In other words, a clear distinction must exist between prisoners and staff. Good reasons exist for this rule, staff over-familiarity and all, but it can lead to some staff treating prisoners as numbers and not as people. So, this past week when a prisoner injured himself on the basketball court and an officer put his arm around the prisoner and helped him up the stairs to his cell, it caught the attention of other prisoners. His act of kindness was so exceptional that even the next day other prisoners were talking about it on the yard. Without sacrificing his distinction as an authority figure, this officer demonstrated a simple kindness that will be remembered for quite some time. 

Of course, general rules exist for prisoners, too. Television and movies would have you believe that as a general rule, prisoners are violent, manipulative people bent on destruction. This is true for some prisoners, but not all. As a general rule, kindness is seen as weakness in prison, so prisoners are socialized into looking out for number one and ignoring the needs of others. Yet, I frequently see small acts of kindness--prisoners giving a soap or a shot of coffee to someone in need. I've seen extra TVs donated to prisoners who have no means to buy one, slightly used shoes passed on to someone who needs them, cook-ups shared, and debts paid to prevent violence. 

In a country deeply divided by ideological differences, we need more exceptions. When the rule is to post hateful comments online, we need people who choose kindness instead. When the rule is to stoop to demeaning labels to define someone with whom you disagree, we need courageous people to refuse the low road and choose kindness instead. Author Neil Postman (Conscientious Objections) says that the words we use are simply tools we use to achieve our purposes. Exceptional people, then, ensure their words are healing and unifying, not damaging and dividing. 

One can be ordinary and still exceptional. It only takes demonstrating small acts of kindness. But kindness should not be exceptional. It should be the norm. So, go out and be rule breakers. Choose kindness, one small act at a time. Be the exception, not the rule.