The Heavy Weight of Prison's Oppressive Energy

 Someone outside of prison recently told me they were surprised to hear about an assault I'd witnessed in prison a few months ago. It stunned me a bit, mainly because prison has been my reality for nearly 14 years. While witnessing assaults is jarring, it's also "normal" in prison. Too much "made for TV" depictions of prison life apparently lead some people to believe prison is not really a dangerous place. 

But it is a dangerous place. One must develop a sixth sense about pending dangers, always alert to what's happening around them, even if they themselves have no beef with anyone else. Some prisoners are quick to develop this sixth sense. They can sense changes in the mood in a room, quickly pick up on abnormal gatherings of people, and sense when something is just "not quite right." 

I'm guessing that the more empathic of us find this sense especially strong. Having this strong sense has helped me to avoid being around when things have happened that could have put me in danger. But having this strong empathic sense also makes it difficult, at times, to separate myself from the negative energy that permeates the prison environment. 

Earlier this past week, shortly after I woke up around 5AM, two corrections officers began to harass and antagonize a prisoner who was in the hole (which is across from my cell). The prisoner had acted out the night before, late at night, and had been moved to a new cell. I don't know why he was in the hole, or what had precipitated his behavior the night before. But regardless, I was deeply disturbed to hear the officers abusing their authority, "geeking" the prisoner up and trading insults with him. 

The prisoner's behavior was absolutely wrong, but it did not justify the officers' abuse of their authority. Their antagonism amped up other prisoners to join in the fray. Soon, the entire unit was humming with a negative energy, stirred up by abusive corrections officers. 

Usually, it's prisoners who are largely to blame for prison's negative energy. Gang violence or threats of violence, thieves, a deeply persistent sense of entitlement, and loudly voiced feelings of injustice stoke prison's blanket of oppressive energy. 

It's no wonder depression and suicidal ideology are common in prison (among prisoners and officers). Sadly, some prisoners are unable to navigate this oppressive energy, and they try to end their sentence early. Fortunately, the young man in my housing unit who tried to end his life this morning was unsuccessful. 

The moment I returned from lunch, I could sense the energy had shifted, before I even knew what had happened. Anxious energy permeated the air, worsened by a deeply troubling lack of empathy. 

It's no wonder so many people leave prison worse off. Many crumble under the heavy weight of such negative energy. Triumphing over it, instead, requires significant positive energy. And that's exhausting to generate sometimes. It sure takes a lot of prayer and power beyond my own.