Hope is Central to Plans, Goals, and Changes - Even in Prison

 The New Year is just a few days away as I write this, and as usual, I'm thinking about the year ahead. I suppose it's normal for people to think about the coming year, every New Year. Some people make resolutions or set goals (I'll be setting goals), and many people have a spark of hope for something new in the coming year. 

In prison, it's difficult to think that anything will change. Every year in prison feels a bit like Groundhog Day (the movie). I wake up, and open my eyes to the same old routine, same old chow hall menu that hasn't changed in years, same old cinder block walls, bars, and razor wire, same officers jingling their keys loudly as they make their rounds. And every afternoon and evening (and sometimes morning), I can count on the same prisoners being unreasonably loud as they play chess, or spades, or simply sit and practically shout their conversations with the person sitting just a foot or two away. 

I can count on the same result of turning in my laundry - it'll come back dingier and sometimes dirtier than it went out. I can count on having to wait in lines for nearly everything - using the phone or email kiosk, taking a shower, using the weight pit, eating three meals a day, and processing into and out of work each morning. 

Free people, those outside of prison, find themselves in ruts too at times. Maybe their diet isn't the same old prison food every day, and they don't have to wait for nearly everything they do, but they're in a rut anyway. I know some people hate their lives that feel pointless and repetitive. It's not just prisoners.

This reality is probably why so many people use the New Year as a time to reset their lives. They evaluate their choices, make resolutions, make changes. I don't have the statistics to prove it, but I'd venture to guess that divorce rates and job resignations jump in January. I'm just sayin'. 

I've been skeptical in the past about resolutions because their success rate is so dismal. I suppose it's splitting hairs to say I'm more of a goal guy, but they do seem different to me. Either way, as I think about change, about attempting to make one's year better, one's self better, it occurs to me that whether it's resolutions or goals, both are really about hope. Hope is central to change because it's a forward looking desire for something different, something better. 

As the years in prison pile up, disappointments pile up too, and my hope feels a little dimmer each year. But I really am a hopeful person at heart. So, I can't help but feel a little spark of hope when I think about setting goals, or even just about the new year in general. Perhaps, just perhaps, this year will be a bit different. 

Some of my hopes for the future remain the same as they were years ago. Some have dimmed a bit, softened to something that seems a little more attainable. Other hopes have changed altogether. But the thing about looking into the future is that we can't anticipate too well. Obstacles appear where we thought there would be none, but blessings do too. 

The reality is that I don't know what this year will bring, but I'm hopeful that the blessings will outweigh the hardships. And while I hope, I'll set my goals and make my plans, all the while being aware that God often laughs at our plans. But that's okay, because while I plan, I also have hope that God's plans are better than mine.