Unforgotten in Prison During the Holidays

The segregation cells at the prison where I am housed are in my housing unit. They are actually on the same gallery (floor) as my cell, and I am right across from the middle section of the twenty or so seg cells. 

This past week, the prison emptied at least half of the seg cells that had been occupied. Others will transfer out or be released this week. Hopefully it'll be quiet at night for a few days, at least!  

Unfortunately, the holidays are a time when prisoners tend to go to the hole (segregation). Some prisoners decide to "party" and drink prison hooch (alcohol), often leading to rowdy or violent behavior. Others "treat" themselves to getting high on one of the several substances available in prison. These prisoners, too, either get rowdy or are simply caught using. 

Fights are more common in prison during the holidays, probably because of a combination of increased substance abuse, and because prisoners are more angry and anxious from missing family. Substances also have to be paid for, and prisoners who go into debt and can't pay often end up fighting or "locking up." 

When a prisoner locks up, he goes into protective custody. This is a special section of the "hole" that is more protected from the general population than the rest of the hole. At other prisons, the hole and protection are the same cells, or an entire housing unit might be designated for prisoners in protection. 

I understand the increased sadness, depression, and anxiety during the holidays. Every year, to some degree, I experience the same. I miss being with my family, and I'm angry that I put myself in this situation. I've lost out on a lot of important memories with people I love because of my stupid decisions. It's easy to spiral into a hole of self-pity. 

I'm long enough into my prison sentence that I have developed ways to deal with my emotions in healthier ways than many other prisoners I see around me. I've never been drawn to the substance abuse I've observed in prison for many years. But I do have to fight the tendency to isolate myself and wallow in my sadness. 

I'm incredibly grateful for the people who have remembered me throughout the holidays, including Christians who work for several prison ministries. It's amazing how meaningful even a simple card with a mass mailing message can have. 

But the most effective antidote I have found for staying out of both the actual hole (segregation) and the hole of self-pity is to focus on putting a smile on others' faces. I've found that it doesn't take much. A simple gift of something sweet from commissary, along with a simple "merry Christmas" message can make a big difference for those who are hurting. 

I'll never forget the simply wrapped (in white typing paper) Christmas gift I received from another prisoner one year. It was a few pieces of candy and a granola bar, but it really put a smile on my face. Now, I try to replicate that for other prisoners. 

Everyone wants to be remembered, especially during the holidays, but there's definitely power in what Jesus said: "It's better to give than to receive."