Want to Set Your Own Shower Temperature? Stay out of Prison!

 This past weekend was absolutely beautiful! It was in the 70s and sunny, and the prison yards were full of people. Some prisoners were shooting basketballs and some were hacky sacking, but most were just walking or sitting around talking. It was just too nice to stay indoors. 

On big yard, some prisoners were playing softball while others were running, playing horseshoes, or walking. Many others were sitting on picnic tables soaking up the sun, talking in groups. 

On Saturday I exercised in the gym before spending some time outside in the sun. I had worked up a good sweat and was ready for a refreshingly cool shower. The problem is that in prison, one cannot adjust the water temperature in the shower. It is set by the prison maintenance team, so regardless of the outside temperature, the water temp is the same. 

So, after working up a sweat, I came back to the housing unit and got in the shower...where the water was hot enough to keep me from cooling down at all. Still, it got me clean, so I'm thankful for that. 

It's at times like these where I remember the small things I appreciate about what I had before prison. Sure, I think about the food I could choose to eat rather than the carb heavy, boring and mostly unhealthy prison food. I also think about being able to go wherever I want, get up and go to bed whenever I want, and pursue whatever passions I have for work and play. 

But there are hundreds of little things we often forget until something happens to remind us. I can't wait to text instead of having to wait for a mailroom to release a message. I can't wait to sit in my own home where it's peaceful and quiet instead of listening to the constant and oppressive noise of the prison housing unit. I hope I never again hear the phrase, "You hear me?" Yes, I hear every single word you're saying because you're talking so freakin' loud! 

I can't wait to sleep without earplugs in my ears, and to sleep on a bed that doesn't make my back hurt every day. I can't wait to wash my laundry in a washing machine instead of having to hand wash everything so that I have clean clothes. Our prison laundry makes our clothes dirtier, instead of returning them clean. 

I could go on and on, but every little thing that I hate about prison is another reason to never come back. I don't need these reasons because the regret I have for causing the harm I did is enough. But prison life is not the kind of life I want, so these many daily frustrations are simply another reason to never come back. 

And when I do leave prison, I hope I never lose the gratitude I'll feel the first time I get to set my own shower temperature again after a hot and sweaty day.

Covid Changed How Michigan Prisons Operate

 When the Covid-19 pandemic hit the United States, prisons were especially hard hit. As total institutions, with men (and women in women's prisons) crammed tightly together in small spaces and sharing restrooms and common areas, prisons let the pandemic spread like wildfire. 

Many incarcerated men and women lost their lives, and even more suffered the effects of Covid without the comforts of home and loved ones to care for them. Some are even still experiencing the effects of long Covid. 

For reasons I'll never understand, our Governor, Gretchen Whitmer, chose to not utilize her administrative powers to release low risk prisoners on tether in order to minimize the spread and effects of the virus. Some other states utilized tether programs to reduce their prison populations and lessen the danger to the lives of their prisoners. 

Across the nation, prison administrators implemented measures to attempt to reduce the spread of the virus in prisons, but these measures were largely ineffective. In Michigan, prisons eliminated in-person visits and eventually introduced video visitation. It's not the same, but at least we can still see our loved ones. 

Video visits are still available for Michigan prisoners, which is a good thing, although they are limited to twenty minutes and cost our loved ones roughly $3.50. The technology has also had a lot of glitches and problems, making video visits often frustrating. The machines are also installed in high traffic areas with no privacy for the prisoner and his visitor(s).  

In-person visits have also returned to Michigan's prisons, but they are now much changed. We used to be able to have hours long visits, stopped only by the end of visiting times or an influx of visitors that required cancellation of some visits. Our visitors also did not need to "reserve" a visit. Now, our visitors must utilize an outside service (GTL) to reserve a visiting time, and visits are limited to a maximum of two hours. 

Movement within Michigan prisons was also limited during Covid. Prisons that had open yard times either shut yards down entirely or restricted the times when each housing unit could be on yard. Now that the pandemic is over, Michigan prisons have continued to use restricted movement plans. 

I am in a level 1 prison (Parnall Correctional Facility), which is Michigan's least restrictive level, and movement here is controlled like more restrictive levels were prior to Covid. Additionally, internal fences that separate housing units were installed during Covid, and they remain in place even today. Housing units are also still isolated from each other to some degree. 

Michigan's prison system, at least, has taken advantage of the changes the Covid pandemic prompted in order to implement stricter controls and offer prisoners fewer activities and options for positive use of their time. Michigan's severe corrections officer shortage has not helped the situation, either. 

It's unclear to me whether Michigan will ever return to pre-pandemic practices and policies, but it seems unlikely. It appears like we're stuck with these more restrictive and less supportive measures.

Is there Life After Prison?

 I know of a prisoner who paroled this morning after serving a 30 year sentence. He's spent around two-thirds of his life in prison. When he came to prison in 1994, cellphones were a new thing, flat screen TVs didn't exist (at least commercially), and the internet was in its infant stages. Facebook, Google, SpaceX, Crypto Currency, and so many other things we take for granted today did not exist. 

I can't imagine how this prisoner felt as he approached his parole date. The entire world had changed, and many people in his family had died. It must have felt like he was about to enter a foreign country without any clue of how to survive. 

The closer I get to my parole date, the more I think about life after prison, too. So many unknowns hang over my head, but I'm still hopeful. I'm hopeful that I can get my life back together, get a job and eventually start a business again, eventually purchase a home, and live out some of the dreams I've dreamt over the past 15 years in prison. 

Of course, I have my criminal history to contend with. I'll always have the scarlet letter "C" (for ex-Convict) hanging over my head. I'll have restrictions on housing, job opportunities, travel (initially), and many other things that become harder with a felony conviction. Yes, society is more willing to give some of us a second chance to prove ourselves, but I know some people will always see me as the sum of my worst choices. 

Daniel Diermeier, an expert in reputation management, says that the only way to cure a bad reputation is to behave your way out of it. For fifteen years in prison, I've been doing just that, but I know I have a lot more to prove to people who really matter to me. I'm willing to put that hard work in, though. It's worth every bit of struggle. 

I know I can never erase the harm I caused, and I have to live with that regret. But I'm also committed to holding myself accountable. I've already been working on the issues that led me to prison in the first place. I'll continue that work after prison, too, and I'll engage the help of counselors and mentors to help me stay the course. 

I'm sure the world has changed a lot in the last fifteen years, and people have changed too. I know I've changed a lot. I can only hope others will give me a chance to demonstrate that change and show that I'm not the man I once was. 

I feel excited in some ways to face the newness of life outside of prison, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my apprehensions too. Yet, I've never been one to back down from a challenge. Some challenges are worth every bit of pain and sacrifice involved. 

Rebuilding a good reputation might take me a lifetime, but frankly a reputation is nothing more than fruit from one's way of living. As we say in prison, "Don't talk about it. Be about it." So, don't take my word for it. Just give me a chance to show you.