Director's Cut--Violent Villain Turns Encouraging Hero

 Marcus is a funny guy who is fun to be around. He's a Marvel Comics nerd (his friend's fondly refer to him as "Spider Marcus") who can quote movies like nobody I've ever known before. He's also quiet, a great listener, and very courteous to others around him. He's a far cry from the person who killed someone else over a drug dispute nearly twenty years ago. 

Marcus was raised in a physically and emotionally abusive lower middle-class home as the youngest of six kids. His dad was an alcoholic, and both of his parents were apathetic about the dangers their children faced. Two of Marcus' brothers went to prison, and he figured he'd end up there too, or be killed first. Early on, Marcus learned that respect was earned through violence and money was earned through hustling. To avoid being seen as weak or being preyed upon by others, he copied the negative influences in his life. Tellingly, Marcus notes that he had nobody in his life to follow who emulated a positive influence. Although he reflects that he wasn't satisfied with his life and wanted to be a better person, he says he had nothing better to which he could compare his life. 

At twenty years old, Marcus was sentenced to parolable life in prison for killing a fellow drug dealer. At such a young age, Marcus was shaken by his actions, and he says that sitting in jail reflecting on what he'd done, he knew something had to change in his life. That change, though, didn't occur for a few more years when another prisoner led Marcus to become a Christian. That was when he finally had a way to renew his mind in a different way. He gave up drinking and smoking weed (yes, it's illegal but possible in prison), fighting, and cussing, and he learned to be vulnerable with others. He says he wishes he would have had the confidence to be himseslf when he was younger. He would tell his younger self to be a leader, not a follower, and to be mindful of other people's feelings. 

Today, Marcus is not the self-centered out-of-control person he used to be. He says his faith guides him to be empathetic and loving towards others and to trust people more. He also feels far more comfortable just being himself. It's obvious that his openness to others makes people relax being around him. He also says that he's learned to be more of a critical thinker, a skill he uses regularly as he works to earn his bachelor's degree in the Calvin Prison Initiative. Marcus is shocked that he's in college because he never thought he'd be a college student, but he's more shocked (and proud) that he did well in his oral rhetoric class, since he's terrified of public speaking. He's come a long way since proudly earning his GED shortly after coming to prison. 

For Marcus, it is important to honor his victim's memory by learning the difficult lessons his crime taught him. He says he has an obligation to be a better man, to live a life of repentance, and to strive to help others avoid the same choices he made. Television and movies do not tell an honest story about prisoners, so Marcus, who dreams of being a film director, wants to change that image. He wants to shatter the Hollywood norm and make films that have good messages, not films that glorify the worst parts of people and prison. "There are good people in prison," Marcus says. "Some guys are here because they made a terrible mistake, but they are learning from those mistakes and becoming better people." Using his love of films, Marcus aims to use his own prison experience to tell the compelling stories of those the world prefers to demonize. 

Someday, Marcus hopes to be able to care for his aging parents, the same ones who gave him such a rough start in life. Longing to be forgiven for his crimes, he's learned to forgive his parents, too. Since he's been in prison, his parents also became Christians, and he says their lives have changed dramatically. He has a great relationship with them now, and they have stayed involved in his life. Marcus hopes he can leave a positive legacy in life. He'd like to be remembered as someone who makes a positive impact in others' lives, not as the sum of the worst choice he ever made.

Ignorance Interrupted--Motivated to Change through Education

 I met Dustin about seven years ago when I started my education journey in prison. I had decided to finish my college degree, and Dustin was a part of the same prison educational community. I only knew him through our college prep classes, so I did not know that education was a recent endeavor for him. Just a year or two before, Bruce, who had also encouraged me to pursue college in prison, had motivated Dustin to pursue a new path. He had formerly been involved in prison violence, which kept landing him in trouble. After Bruce urged him to spend his energy in positive ways, Dustin began investing in his future, and following Bruce's example, he invested in others too. Today, Dustin is a college graduate who mentors other prisoners, continuing to invest in others and himself. He's also a fellow English nerd like me, and my main Scrabble opponent.

Dustin grew up in a "normal" middle class family on the East side of Michigan. He was an averge student in school with decent friends, but he felt drawn to bad influences. He wanted to be a "gangster," so he smoked weed and gravitated towards a "rough crowd." In 2000 at seventeen year old, he stole a gun from a family friend, and while playing with it and showing it off, he accidentally shot and killed his younger sister. The authorities did not believe it was an accident because as a scared kid, Dustin lied about what happened and tried to cover it up. Consequently, he was convicted of second-degree murder and sentenced to 27 years in prison. He is grateful that despite losing both of her children, one to death and the other to prison, his mother remained his rock, showing him unconditional love, until she died ten years ago. 

Although he fears society will stigmatize him for killing a sibling, even accidentally, he is committed to honoring his sister with his life. His goal is to be the best person he can be, to be a positive influence in the world, and to take every opportunity to pay forward all the undeserved blessings he has received. Dustin is very busy, involved in many positive things, but he reminds himself of the advice he'd give his younger self: slow down and do things right the first time. He says the greatest blessings he experiences always follow his own investment in other people's lives. It's a lesson he learned from Bruce, and from complete strangers, Victor and Mary, who took an interest in him and sponsored his early college education and continue to support his pursuit of a better way of living. 

When Dustin started down the education path, he started reading classics written by philosophers and other great thinkers. These books influenced him to think deeply and to be formed by the ideas he was exposed to in these books. Although he still struggles with the idea of "religion," Dustin finds the Christian virtue ethics inspiring and transformational. In fact, a theology class on spiritual disciplines was one of his favorite college classes, along with psychology, social work interviewing, English literature, and political science. He says that without education, he'd still be the blind leading the blind. "Education," he claims, "gives people the impetus to change." Nevertheless, he acknowledges that someone has to first want to change. 

Prison is dehumanizing, stripping people of nearly everything that makes them human. But good, decent people can be found in prison, too. Dustin's own journey was influenced by Bruce, and others, who encouraged a new, positive focus. And today, Dustin pays it forward, encouraging others to grow, to invest in their lives through education and moral development. His future likely involves earning a master's degree, continuing to work hard for success, and still investing greatly in the lives of others. For Dustin, paying it forward is the best way to say "thank-you" to those who have blessed him beyond what he believes he deserves.

Class Clown Learns The Terrible Price of Being a "Gangster"

 Curtis grew up in Pontiac, Michigan in a white, nuclear family. Although his family was quite poor when he was young, they gradually moved solidly into middle class. In school he was popular and had a reputation as a class clown. When he was in middle school, he fed off the approval and acceptance of his peers, which led him to begin smoking and drinking. His friends reinforced these bad behaviors with their approval, and soon Curtis developed a tough-guy image to go along with his rebellious ways. Eventually, his self-image as a "gangster" turned into a full-blown identity, leading to a night that forever ruined many lives. 

At seventeen-years-old after a day and night of excessive drinking and smoking weed with friends, Curtis picked up his sawed-off .22 to heighten the evening's inebriated fun with target practice. In the very early morning, he and his friends exchanged words with some other guys who were also out late. The conflict escalated, and Curtis turned the gun on the other car's driver. His decision to fire the gun resulted in the driver's death and eventually to Curtis' sentence to parolable life in prison. 

Curtis is now thirty-eight years old. After years in the weight pit, Curtis is now muscular, but as a juvenile his short stature and small size gave him a complex. He had a reputation for being crazy, but his desperate need for approval from others led him to extreme measures to protect his image. When asked what he would say to his younger self, he laughs and states, "The younger me wouldn't have understood anything but hands." He says his younger self couldn't see past himself, but he wishes that version of himself could have understood how little he actually knew, how precious life is, and how heavy regret is for taking another's life. Today, he reflects on how precious all of life is. It is important to Curtis not to take any moment of life for granted, whether his life or others'. 

Although he fears dying in prison (mainly from the poor prison food), he prays that God grants him a chance to live a peaceful life, with meaning, outside of the razor wire fences. He wants to contribute to society in positive ways, helping others, a desire he already fulfills by helping other prisoners. Curtis feels that he can never atone for taking another's life, but he feels strongly that he owes society to spend the rest of his life making life better--for others and for himself. 

Curtis' change process, like many who come to prison so young, was slow. It involved several significant events in prison, but the first event occurred before he even made it to prison. While awaiting sentencing in jail, Curtis had reached a desperate low and decided to take his own life. After what he describes as miraculous intervention that could only have been the hand of God, Curtis commited to live better. Sadly, that decision was short-lived, and it wasn't until he was 26-years-old and sitting in the hole for fighting that he hit another low. This time, Curtis recognized his selfishness and all the lives he had ruined. He made a fresh commitment to do right, and with the help of other mature prisoners, he began to build a transformed life. 

Today, Curtis is just over a year away from earning a bachelor's degree, an accomplishment that makes him proud. He has also trained dogs, both seeing-eye dogs and "pound puppies," for almost seven years and is a peer-to-peer substance abuse mentor. He wishes that people in free society really believed that people can change, like he has. He can't even imagine being his old self again. Although prison contributed to his change process, he believes that time in prison after undergoing such a change is actually damaging to the changed person. 

Like many prisoners, Curtis hopes his victim's family has whatever closure is possible. He wishes crime victims knew that offenders cannot initiate dialogues (because it risks re-victimizing), but that crime victims can if they want to. Curtis embraces restorative justice practices, because it reflects the Christian faith he now embraces, because it puts victims and their needs first, and because it is the right thing to do.

From Terrorizing Teenager to Tonal Thespian

 Eleven months after his father died, seventeen-year-old Jamie's life was out of control. Easily influenced by his friends, Jamie and a friend went on an unprovoked three-day crime spree. Robbing and carjacking people led the two to rape one of their victims. As a seventeen-year-old juvenile, Jamie was arrested, charged, and sentenced to parolable life in prison, along with a 35-75 year sentence. 

Jamie's traumatic childhood influenced some of his criminal decisions. His father's death, feeling unloved by important people in his life, his socially learned lack of respect for women, and self-seeking attitudes led to his terrible decision to victimize others. Despite recent court decisions recognizing the immaturity of juvenile minds, since Jamie's life sentence is parolable, he does not benefit from those decisions. He will be eligible for parole only after serving the 35-year minimum on his term-of-years sentence, in 2027. 

After constantly finding himself in trouble due to his poor decision-making, even in prison, Jamie knew something had to change. He just didn't know how. When he encountered people, especially prison volunteers, who loved him unconditionally, something clicked for him. He realized that he was looking for love in all the wrong ways. These people helped him to understand how to love himself and to experience love appropriately. Today, he says the greatest lesson he's learned is that nobody has the right to victimize others. He feels deep shame and grief that he took his victims' freedom to feel safe. 

Although he fears he won't be released when he's eligible for parole, Jamie's dreams for the future are almost boring in their normality. Since he came to prison as a kid, he can't wait to get a job working 40-60 hours a week, buy or rent a home, watch football on the weekends, and be the "average, single, middle-aged man." After being the first person in his family to earn a college degree (an associate's), he continues to work towards a bachelor's degree, for which he is very proud. 

Jamie isn't the same person he was at seventeen. Instead of being impulsive, he's now a deep thinker. He knows his choices affect others, and they affect his future, so he thinks carefully about his actions. He wishes he could tell his younger self to be a leader instead of a follower. Although he felt powerless as a young man, he now knows that having resilience through feelings of powerlessness will eventually give way to having more power over his own life and circumstances. 

Two experiences Jamie had in prison were transformational for him. His sister was murdered, which made him face the pain he had caused his own victims. Learning to heal from that loss, and the deaths of his mother, uncle, and cousin, made him stronger. Today, he thinks about his sister and what she wanted for his life. It motivates him to want the best for himself, too. He lives to make his sister proud through the eyes of her two daughters. 

Someone also stole from Jamie, and he later found out it was a close friend (in prison). Being betrayed by someone close to him devastated and enraged him, but it also gave him insight into his victims' expectation of safety. Through this experience, Jamie learned to empathize with his victims and the much greater harm he caused them. The harm he caused is a weight he carries every day. 

Today, Jamie is an avid Shakespeare fan (due to Shakespeare Behind Bars) who also loves to work out, tend the volunteer garden, and sing in a choir. But more importantly, he works hard to be honest and transparent, and to remember the terror he caused so he never causes someone to feel that way again.