Today in our church service the volunteer speaker talked about criticism and the damage it does not just to one-on-one relationships, but also to the healthy of a body of people (in this case a church). He urged each of us to commit to "fast" from criticism for a period of time as an intentional act of unity.
I was particularly interested in this idea because I've been studying personality types lately and I've discovered that my personality type tends to be critical of others (something I already recognized in myself). This criticism is due mainly to the desire for perfection in myself and others. While I don't always voice the critical feelings I have these can come across in the way I respond non-verbally or even in me just distancing myself from others.
I don't like this aspect of my personality, but I recognize that there are strengths to perfectionism when balanced properly. The difficulty is in finding balance.
Perhaps the most challenging aspect of being a perfectionist is the pressure I put on myself. Achieving perfection is often an unrealistic aim, and the failure to achieve this perfection can become a loud voice of accusation if I'm not careful.
Coming to prison, and the failures that brought me here, have often threatened to feed this overwhelming voice of criticism. Criticism can be constructive and beneficial, but more often than not it serves only to chip away at feelings of self-worth and feed feelings of shame.
I've already come to grips with the fact that I'm a flawed person. But rather than be shamed by these failures to be perfect I'm learning that I'm not alone in my failures. Every one of us has flaws, but when we learn to draw on the strengths of others, and shore up others where they're weak we become an important part of the collective strength.
I'm sure I'll continue to be critical of myself and others, but hopefully I'm learning to use only constructive criticism and to cut myself and others a little slack. After all, it's often our flaws that make us interesting and unique.
