Class Clown Learns The Terrible Price of Being a "Gangster"

 Curtis grew up in Pontiac, Michigan in a white, nuclear family. Although his family was quite poor when he was young, they gradually moved solidly into middle class. In school he was popular and had a reputation as a class clown. When he was in middle school, he fed off the approval and acceptance of his peers, which led him to begin smoking and drinking. His friends reinforced these bad behaviors with their approval, and soon Curtis developed a tough-guy image to go along with his rebellious ways. Eventually, his self-image as a "gangster" turned into a full-blown identity, leading to a night that forever ruined many lives. 

At seventeen-years-old after a day and night of excessive drinking and smoking weed with friends, Curtis picked up his sawed-off .22 to heighten the evening's inebriated fun with target practice. In the very early morning, he and his friends exchanged words with some other guys who were also out late. The conflict escalated, and Curtis turned the gun on the other car's driver. His decision to fire the gun resulted in the driver's death and eventually to Curtis' sentence to parolable life in prison. 

Curtis is now thirty-eight years old. After years in the weight pit, Curtis is now muscular, but as a juvenile his short stature and small size gave him a complex. He had a reputation for being crazy, but his desperate need for approval from others led him to extreme measures to protect his image. When asked what he would say to his younger self, he laughs and states, "The younger me wouldn't have understood anything but hands." He says his younger self couldn't see past himself, but he wishes that version of himself could have understood how little he actually knew, how precious life is, and how heavy regret is for taking another's life. Today, he reflects on how precious all of life is. It is important to Curtis not to take any moment of life for granted, whether his life or others'. 

Although he fears dying in prison (mainly from the poor prison food), he prays that God grants him a chance to live a peaceful life, with meaning, outside of the razor wire fences. He wants to contribute to society in positive ways, helping others, a desire he already fulfills by helping other prisoners. Curtis feels that he can never atone for taking another's life, but he feels strongly that he owes society to spend the rest of his life making life better--for others and for himself. 

Curtis' change process, like many who come to prison so young, was slow. It involved several significant events in prison, but the first event occurred before he even made it to prison. While awaiting sentencing in jail, Curtis had reached a desperate low and decided to take his own life. After what he describes as miraculous intervention that could only have been the hand of God, Curtis commited to live better. Sadly, that decision was short-lived, and it wasn't until he was 26-years-old and sitting in the hole for fighting that he hit another low. This time, Curtis recognized his selfishness and all the lives he had ruined. He made a fresh commitment to do right, and with the help of other mature prisoners, he began to build a transformed life. 

Today, Curtis is just over a year away from earning a bachelor's degree, an accomplishment that makes him proud. He has also trained dogs, both seeing-eye dogs and "pound puppies," for almost seven years and is a peer-to-peer substance abuse mentor. He wishes that people in free society really believed that people can change, like he has. He can't even imagine being his old self again. Although prison contributed to his change process, he believes that time in prison after undergoing such a change is actually damaging to the changed person. 

Like many prisoners, Curtis hopes his victim's family has whatever closure is possible. He wishes crime victims knew that offenders cannot initiate dialogues (because it risks re-victimizing), but that crime victims can if they want to. Curtis embraces restorative justice practices, because it reflects the Christian faith he now embraces, because it puts victims and their needs first, and because it is the right thing to do.