Prison Policies Make Healthy Relationships Difficult

 "Hey V!" I call across the yard to a friend of mine. I was recently moved from one housing unit to another, so most of the people I consider friends are in a different housing unit. My buddy and I catch up a bit while he walks his leader dog in training and I am heading to chow. We used to be able to talk several times a day, just checking in with each other, praying with and for each other, and being a sounding board and encouragement for the other. Now, we only have brief moments in passing to catch up. 

Soon, my friend will be moved to the same housing unit I am now in, as will most of the others Calvin graduates, but this brief separation reminds me of the tenuous nature of relationships in prison. The Michigan Department of "Corrections" forbids contact between prisoners when they are housed in different facilities. Technically, my friend and I are also not supposed to communicate even between housing units. It's a policy that intends to prevent gang activity and other nefarious activity, but one that also prevents healthy connections and friendships from thriving. 

Two other men I know have been friends in prison for nearly 40 years. Today, they are back in the same prison facility and have been able to resume their friendship. But for fifteen years, they were at separate prisons, unable to communicate. This policy makes it difficult to maintain relationships, even with those who support and encourage one's growth and development. 

One of the sad realities of prison is that due to lost relationships upon entering prison and prison policies that make maintaining relationships difficult, many prisoners have either superficial relationships, or view other people as passing commodities. It is profoundly difficult to develop depth in friendships, to establish bonds, when those bonds are constantly at risk of being torn apart. Sadly, this reality often follows prisoners out the door when they leave prison. Unless one works hard to change the status quo. 

All relationships involve risk. They all, whether in prison or out, may be severed at any time. They also take a tremendous amount of work, investment really, to result in deep bonds. But the truly rewarding relationships, those are worth the risk. They're worth the effort. Yet, it's only when those relationships are tested, by separation, conflict, or loss, that one can truly know how genuine those relationships are.