How a Simple Smile Can Go a Long Way in Prison

 

Recently, as I descended a stairway in my housing unit, a staff member waited for me to pass before ascending. As I walked past and excused myself, this staff member looked me in the eyes, smiled, and asked, "How're you doing?"  I responded with a smile and said, "Good, thank you," and made my way past. But, I'm still thinking about this encounter, several days later. It was such a simple, unremarkable encounter--except it was wasn't so unremarkable.  I have been incarcerated now for fourteen and a half years. During that time, I have been nothing more than a number and a file of information to most staff members. Of course, there have been and still are exceptions. When staff members get to know me, most are cordial enough, and a few are at least superficially friendly and conversational.   However, it's rare when a staff member I have never spoken to treats me like a human being. I am a number, a statistic, and a prison commodity they have to house, secure, and occasionally engage with. Rarely am I a person with hopes, dreams, and dignity.  It strikes me as incredibly sad and troubling that a simple human gesture like smiling and engaging in pleasantries should be so remarkable. I'm realizing how starved I am for basic human relationship norms. Of course, I experience these things with other prisoners, but it feels profoundly different coming from a person in authority. I've been conditioned to feel less than human to them.  I also recognize that I have been conditioned to keep staff members and officers at arms length. There's some wisdom in that practice given the power imbalance between us, but it takes something away from my humanity too. It creates suspicion and erects barriers.  No relationships in prison are "normal," whether due to the power imbalance between staff and prisoners or due to the transience of prisoner relationships. But it's remarkable to me how such a little thing as a smile and a pleasantry can have such a profound impact.  So, put down your phone, look around you, and find someone to smile and greet warmly. You never know how much of a difference it can make.