For most of my life I have been different from most everyone around me. We're all different from each other in many ways, but for me those differences meant I didn't fit in well with any crowd. If you asked me to tell you how I was different I probably couldn't. It was always just a feeling like I didn't connect or belong. This meant that at any time in my life I had one or two friends but no greater social circle to which I belonged, even though I sometimes appeared socially outgoing.
Perhaps that is why I find it ironic that a criminal personality trait is "a pervasive sense of uniqueness [that] constitutes the cornerstone of [the criminal's] self-image." (taken from The Criminal Personality, by Yochelson & Samenow, 315).
In prison I frequently hear declarations of one's uniqueness ("Ain't nobody like me bro!", and "Nobody can do what I can do...", among many others). There seems to be a pervasive desire to see oneself as unique from others. Yet, at the same time prisoners who actually are different and don't fit the mold of what other prisoners believe a criminal to be are often targeted for ridicule, extortion, robbery, or bullying. With the right social intelligence though, even people who really are different from the norm can avoid becoming a target.
I never wanted to be different from others so I don't understand the draw towards distinguishing oneself from others. I have learned social skills that are necessary to build connections with others, and I've discovered that more people respond to authenticity (including one's genuine uniqueness) than to false masks that are used to fit in.
It's liberating to see oneself as a unique part of a greater whole that needs each person's uniqueness to form a beautiful complexity. Uniqueness doesn't mean inferior or superior; it means different, but essential.
The criminal personality celebrates his own uniqueness in a way that elevates his importance (in his own mind) over others. A healthy personality celebrates one's uniqueness as an essential part of a collection of unique but equally important individuals.
Today I still feel different from mostly everyone around me, but I no longer feel that my differences make me inferior to others. I also don't believe my differences make me superior. They just make me who I am, and I know that I can add value to whatever community I happen to be in, even prison.
