Recovering From Suffering

                                   "Recovering from suffering is not like recovering from a disease. 

                                       Many people don't come out healed; they come out different."




When I read this quote by David Brooks in his article "What Suffering Does," I was struck by how relevant it was to prisoners and to surviving victims of crime. The cold, hard fact is that crime causes suffering. Victims and their families suffer immensely from the effects of crime. Some victims never recover a sense of normalcy after being victimized. They may suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety, or a host of other psychological and emotional effects from the harm that was done to them. They may also suffer financially, physically, socially, or in other ways. But not all victims suffer forever; some find a way to rise above their suffering.

I don't know what differentiates those who remain in their suffering from those who don't. I don't think it's simply deciding to rise above the suffering. I think it's deeper than that. But even those who do rise above their suffering are changed. They don't come out the other side the same person. They might be more grateful for how precious life is; they might value their relationships more; they might have a new found empathy for others who likewise suffer from the devastating affects of crime. Nobody responds the same, and there is no formula for how people 'should ' respond to suffering. Those who are trapped in suffering must be treated with empathy and helped to recover, often by those who made it out themselves. 

Even those who go to prison for committing crimes suffer, though this suffering results from their own behavior, not from the behavior of another. Yet, some prisoners are able to rise above the suffering that is found in prison. They too are changed and for the better. They begin to develop deep empathy for those they harmed and for others who are marginalized, oppressed, or otherwise suffer persecution and harm. They also begin to look at life quite differently. They discover precious value in people and relationships, mainly because prison often results in the loss of most, if not all, important relationships one had. 

Some suffering doesn't end. I have an ache for my loss of relationship with those I love, and that won't change. Even if I recover these relationships, they would be changed and far too much time will have been lost. But rather than let this suffering cripple me, I use it to compel me to come out of prison different--in a good way. I hope to recover these important relationships, but whatever happens, this experience has already shaped and changed me into someone different than I was before prison. I hope the rest of my life will be a testament to that change.

An Offender's Participation in Radical Hospitality

Those who commit crimes and are convicted of those crimes sometimes experience deep remorse for the harms they caused. This may lead them to desire to make things right as much as possible. Some of these offenders discover restorative justice and especially victim-offender dialogue. Although a dialogue is just one component of restorative justice, it is more often than not the most difficult component to see happen. Victim-offender dialogue is normally prompted by the victim of a crime to ensure the victim is empowered and in control of the timing of a dialogue and receives no unwanted contact by the offender. 

Victim-offender dialogues, while preferable, are not necessary for an offender to participate in restorative justice practices. At any time, offenders may begin the difficult work of correcting character flaws; they can work on healing addictions; they can take ownership of their choices and the consequences and obligations those choices caused; they can educate themselves and others of the dangers of the choices they made leading up to them committing a crime; they can begin to develop empathy towards their victim(s); and they can participate in healing groups to help other crime victims. These, and other restorative justice practices, are transformational in offender's lives in contributing to lower re-offense rates and greater accountability on the part of the offender. 
A victim-offender dialogue allows an opportunity for offenders to be transformed by:

• Taking ownership of the injustice they committed
• Taking ownership of the consequences and obligations of their actions
• Developing empathy towards victims
• Receiving forgiveness (if offered) by the victim and community
• Experiencing hope for restored relationships, community reintegration, and participation in the community again

Victim-offender dialogues are often healing for victims and offenders, but offenders can express radical hospitality to victims by simply beginning the work of restorative justice on their own. This work itself is the beginning step of an offender becoming the person he should have been and still can be.

A Victim's Participation in Radical Hospitality

If we are not careful, practicing restorative justice might suffer from the same offender-driven, offender-focused problems found in the criminal justice system that discards victims after usurping the harm done to them as purely a violation of state law. The radical expression of hospitality demonstrated through restorative justice practices must be victim-focused, and it must empower victims and promote healing through dialogue.

What could be more empowering and healing to victims than choosing the radical expression of hospitality through restorative dialogue and :

•  Personally holding offenders accountable for their crimes
•  Expressing to the offender the anger, fear, and harms he or she has suffered because of the injustice he or she experienced at the hand of the offender
•  Personally condemning the offender's actions
•  Receiving a personal, verbal apology and commitment to change from the offender
•  Participating in designing appropriate reparations (restitution) the offender must make
•  Participating in restoring relationships, though victims may or may not offer forgiveness to the offender who harmed them

When offenders want to start a dialogue of healing with the victim, they must reach out to mediation agencies (which are difficult to find) to begin the process of restorative dialogue, but this dialogue normally starts at the prompting of a crime victim. The goal of a dialogue is that it is victim-centered with the victim in control, and it proceeds or stops at the victim's pace. This reduces fear and insecurity, encourages satisfaction, and minimizes the chances of a crime victim feeling re-victimized. As such, victim-offender dialogues are often preceded by a year or more of preparatory work by both the offender and victim to maximize the chances of healing and decrease the likelihood of dissatisfaction. Radical hospitality, as expressed through restorative justice, humanizes victims to their offenders, and it often leads to empathy and remorse in offenders.

In addition, this courageous step often leads to a true transformation in the life of the offender who harmed the victim and reduces the chance of others being harmed by that offender in the future. When offenders can put a face to the harm they have done, it helps to ensure that they never repeat these harmful behaviors. It also tends to help both the victim and offender to find purpose in the tragic circumstances that led to the need for restoration in the first place.

Next week: The offender's participation in radical hospitality

A Community's Participation in Radical Hospitality

Restorative justice, as an expression of radical hospitality, involves three parties who have an invested interest in healing the wounds of injustice caused by crime: communities, victims, and offenders.

Through restorative justice practices, communities can focus on repairing the injury of social injustice and facilitating the healing of harms toward this end. I would argue that communities have a duty to victims of crime, offenders who commit crimes, and the citizens who are affected by the damage crime causes.

Communities have a duty to VICTIMS to:

•  Restore wholeness
•  Provide needed services to the victims
•  Restore the lost connections victims experience due to feelings of shame
•  Address social inequalities that contribute to crime
•  Participate in restorative communications and dialogue 

Communities have a duty to OFFENDERS to:

•  Ensure accountability through a restorative approach
•  Promote constructive dialogue
•  Make a path to allow the removal of crime's stigma
•  Make repentance and forgiveness possible

Communities have a duty to its CITIZENS to:

•  Ensure societal peace and harmony
•  Minimize the financial costs of crime
•  Address the problems of structural disadvantage and inequality that contribute to high crime rates

When a community focuses on its duty to all three of these stakeholders that are affected by crime, the community can promote peace and healing, empower its citizens who are victims of crime, and contribute to the transformation of its incarcerated citizens. These goals are the result of a radical approach to hospitality through restorative justice practices.

Communities are not an unidentifiable body; they are a collection of its members. This means that if you belong to a community, you ARE that community. Each member, then, has a duty to ensure that its community as a whole participates in repairing social injuries of injustice and facilitating the healing of harms towards this end. Today, how will you promote peace in your community, empower other citizens who have been victimized by crime, and help to transform its incarcerated citizens? 

In my next post I will talk about how victims can participate in a radical expression of hospitality through restorative justice practices.