Christmas in Prison

This past Sunday, the volunteer who came in to preach in our chapel service asked me before service started, "So, how do guys in prison celebrate Christmas?" Perhaps too quickly, I replied, "We don't like to think about Christmas, or any holiday." 

The bitter truth is that every day throughout the year it is difficult to be away from family, but on holidays it is especially difficult. For me, even Christmas songs and movies I used to love have become something I avoid because they are a painful reminder of better times with my kids. They are also a reminder of my failures as a father, husband, and son. 

There are no decorated Christmas trees or lights in prison, no caroling or spiced cider, no festive gifts, and definitely no Christmas cheer. No matter how prisoners choose to celebrate (or not) the holidays though, be it a special cook-up, calls home, or a precious visit from a loved one sacrificing their own celebrations, this time of year can still hold joy and hope for those who choose to find these gifts. 

For some prisoners, it's another holiday away from family, but also one closer to going home. For others, it might be simply the end of a touch year with hope for something positive in the New Year.

My choice is to embrace the memories of better times with my kids, even through the pain of broken relationships, for the joy these memories hold and for the hope they give me for future memories of holidays with those I love.

May your holidays be filled with beautiful memories made with your loved ones. Merry Christmas!"

Michigan Penitentiary

Prisons are sometimes referred to as penitentiaries, but I always wondered why. I recently finished reading Restoring Justice by Daniel Van Ness and Karen Strong where they explained the history of the use of the word penitentiary. Apparently, reformers in Philadelphia in the late 1700s decided that the cruelty of contemporary punishments and jails required a change. Modeling imprisonment after the use of confinement in monasteries for penitence and reflection, in this newly devised role of imprisonment prisoners were given a bible and time to contemplate it in isolated cells. Today's "penitentiary" is a far cry from that designed by these Philadelphia reformers. Perhaps the most significant difference is the purpose for imprisonment today versus the purpose of more than 200 years ago. Imprisonment today is retributive in focus rather than restorative in focus. Even the use of the term "reformatory" is laugh-worthy considering the nearly 50% re-offense rate for Michigan prisoners. To be fair, the Michigan Department of Corrections is making isolated attempts to change criminal thinking patterns with the use of Violence Prevention Programs (VPP) and other similarly designed therapies. However, Michigan has a long way to go to truly begin reforming criminal thinking. Those who commit crimes hold the sole responsibility of changing, reforming, and repenting of their crimes. They must want these changes for true reform to occur. The MDOC, the judge, and the prosecutor cannot change a person's heart, but the State has a duty to the public to create conditions which support and encourage a penitent heart.

Servility of the Spirit

In her classic book, The Fountainhead, author Ayn Rand asked, "If physical slavery is repulsive, how much more repulsive is the concept of servility of the spirit?"

At first this question resonated with me because I believe both physical slavery and the breaking of someone's spirit to be repulsive. However, armed with the knowledge that Ayn Rand was an atheist, I began to think deeply about her question and ask myself what servility of the spirit really means.

The bible says in Romans 6:16 that "to whom you yield yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one's slaves whom you obey." 

That means that to whomever, or whatever, we surrender or cease resisting we become the slave of that person or thing.

Prisoners, with all of their talk of bravado and hatred of authority, are still choosing to yield themselves as slaves. This slavery might be to an addiction, the incessant chase of money, or to the control of their own passions and anger. Whatever their chosen master, prisoners have obeyed to the harm of another.

Prisoners are not alone in their surrender to slavery though. Millions of the law-abiding public have likewise chosen to yield to the brutal masters of addiction, anger, uncontrolled passions, or to a host of other tyrants. Whether this obedience results in breaking the law or not, every cruel master creates chaos and leaves destruction in its wake. 

We all choose to serve something or someone. If that someone is self we might just discover what a cruel and destructive master we can be. Instead of serving ourselves maybe we should take the advice of Paul and, "through love serve one another." (Galatians 5:13)

A Visit Most Dear

** I recently asked another inmate who is involved in our college-prep program here at LCF to write a guest post. He graciously agreed and below is his post:

I recently received a visit from a man named Bernie, an unremarkable event except that he is the father of a murdered son and I am 20 years into a life sentence for first-degree murder. We were brought together by a common pursuit of victim-offender mediation in which my attempts to obtain a mediation agency-sponsored reconciliation conference were repeatedly denied by MDOC administrators, as were Bernie's. 

During our visit, Bernie spoke of how he had forgiven his offender early on and had been wanting to personally extend him forgiveness for many years. I, in turn, relayed how it took me much longer to realize my moral obligation to provide my victim's family with a personal apology but had also been seeking such an opportunity for a number of years. Bernie and I also exchanged testimonials of how our mutual Christian faith--his of longstanding and mine of more recent origin--had both compelled and enabled us to seek reconciliation with our counterparts. We further compared the long-term effects murder had had on us. Amazingly, Bernie spoke only of how he and his family had been able to put their tremendous loss behind them and were doing well. I described how I have been able to find a sense of purpose in this dismal place through teaching math classes to fellow prisoners seeking college enrollment and by assisting them in discovering the many benefits of restorative justice practices. 

Our visit was very cordial, extremely therapeutic, and completely devoid of any fear or hostility. It ended too soon with multiple handshakes, plans for a sequel, and a request for Bernie to become my mentor--a request he readily granted. 

None of this would have been possible if we had not pursued a personal visit following the MDOC's denial of a formal reconciliation process; none of this would have been remarkable if it had not been me that had taken the life of Bernie's son. 
-- Scott Wynne #247226

Coming Soon: Lower Phone Rates for Prisoners

A recent FCC ruling will soon lower Michigan prisoner phone calls from $0.21-0.23 per minute to a cap of $0.11 per minute, including most ancillary fees. 

Michigan used to have a $0.10 per minute rate and the cost for calls went up when prison officials and lawmakers decided that raising the cost of phone calls (a burden borne mostly by the families or prisoners) could fill a gap in the already enormous $2 billion Corrections budget. The State of Michigan already appealed the last FCC rate change in court, and I fully expect a challenge to this ruling too. 

Prisoners and their families are a golden egg laying goose to the government, and protecting that income, made mostly off the backs of struggling families of prisoners, is a top priority for prison officials. 

Fortunately, advocacy organizations like MI-Cure and CAPPS are making headway in shedding light on the need for cheaper phone rates so families can stay connected to their loved ones.

Too Much Leisure Time?

I recently heard on the news that neurosurgeon-turned-political candidate Dr. Ben Carson toured a federal prison not long ago and was shocked by the accommodations. His shock was at the availability of leisure time activities and lack of harsh conditions (my summary of his reported statements). I don't know what prison he toured, but it wasn't a Michigan State prison. 

Dr. Carson's comments reveal a distinct lack of understanding of incarceration issues. He is undoubtedly one of the most skilled neurosurgeons ever known, but his comments lead to a question being asked and answered by researchers and experts in incarceration issues: What is the purpose and goal of incarceration? 

The incarceration policies of the last two decades focused solely on retribution and isolation from society instead of rehabilitation, restoration, and education. These policies have led to an explosion in prison populations and major profits for the prison industrial complex. They have ignored the nearly fifty-percent re-offense rates, and the core issues that often lead to crime: poverty, lack of education, and family and cultural issues that result in generational incarceration. 

Prisoner warehousing, as we have today, leaves plenty of leisure time for prisoners, and without an outlet for energy and for the anxiety that prison causes, the rate of violence toward other inmates and prison guards would skyrocket, and the already high rate of mental illness would likely grow even higher. 

Prison is supposed to be a punishment and it is by removing the offender from the community and from his family. But if punishment and isolation are the only goals of prison, the result is a lot of leisure time and, inevitably, high re-offense rates. If politicians want to change these results they must encourage and promote productive uses of time like job skills training, post-secondary education, and other educational and rehabilitative opportunities. 

I hope Dr. Carson will propose creative ideas to fill a prisoner's time with productive activities and not buy into the failing policies of the last two decades that have led to these conditions. 

So Many Victims

Today I sat at chow looking out over the sea of faces around me, many of whom I know, at least to some degree. Many of these men are "normal" men who, for reasons I'll never know, made some very stupid decisions in their lives. This prison alone holds over 1,400 men and, combined with other Michigan prisons, the state has roughly 45,000 prisoners incarcerated. 

As I ran these numbers in my mind I began to sense the overwhelming impact each prisoner had on his or her victims, families, loved ones, and communities. If all 45,000 prisoners only affected one victim, that's still over 45,000 victims represented. Many prisoners have more than one victim so the number is really much higher. Add to this the wives (or husbands), children, parents, siblings, and other family and friends and the number of people affected by crime skyrockets. When one factors in the impact on the communities each prisoner represents, the true human cost of crime reaches into the millions of people in Michigan alone. 

The unfortunate reality is that prisons are a revolving door. Crime takes no holidays. But the over-incarceration policies and practices of the last two decades do nothing to address the problem. Instead, lengthy prison terms serve only to deal with the symptoms of a greater problem. 

Policy makers are beginning to realize that long incarceration does not create safer communities, or serve any rehabilitative purpose. My hope is that new policies and practices will be put into place that address the causes of crime and prepare those released from prison to not just avoid crime, but to become productive, contributing members of their communities. 

Michigan has too many crime victims for policy makers to be content with a nearly fifty-percent re-offense rate by offenders. It's time to start strengthening our state with restorative justice practices that focus on healing, not just warehousing. #CrimeVictim #RestorativeJustice #OverIncarceration #MichiganPrisons

Uncertainty as a Way of Life

Michigan prisoners deal with so much uncertainty every day that it becomes a way of life. Prison itself provides so much structure that one would think there is no uncertainty to be had. 

It is true that the regimented scheduling, numerous count times, controlled movement (in many prisons) and published and repetitive menu provides a reasonable assurance of what to expect from day-to-day. However, ongoing appeals, ever changing court decisions, and shifting political winds keep many prisoners on edge, not knowing what might change. 

Many prisoners have oppressive fears about losing loved ones to death, and losing connection to the free world due to failing relationships. Even relationships formed in prison are tenuous and often temporary because at any time, and for any reason (or no reason), one or both parties in a friendship could be transferred to other prisons. You just wake up one morning and your friend is gone. 

For sure, some of the anxiety Michigan prisoners feel is because of the never ceasing rumor mill. "Did you hear they are closing this prison in January?" or "I hear they are going to ride out some fifty inmates next week..." The rumors never stop. Some of these rumors are fed by staff speculation and others simply by inmates with wild imaginations.

Prisoners aren't the only ones who face uncertainty, but in a place with a thousand things to stress you out, uncertainty is near the top of the list. 

One More Stupid Decision

This morning as I silently ate my Ralston cereal at breakfast I overheard a conversation between two other men at the table. One man was lamenting to the other that he had accumulated a poker table debt of over one hundred dollars, but he swore he was done gambling. After listening for a few minutes the 'friend' pulled a better ticket (called a 'skin' in prison) out of his pocket and said, "Here, if you play a dollar on this, it pays eight-to-one on a four pick and fifteen-to-one on a five pick. If you win it could help you out of the jamb you're in."

I nearly choked on my food, and this time it wasn't because of the taste. This sort of illogical thinking is rampant in prison, and I dare say, it's what led many of us to prison in the first place. One more drug deal, one more boost, one more stupid decision to make up for another.

For sure, prisoners don't hold a monopoly on stupid decisions, and not all stupid decisions lead to prison. Some lead to a life in politics, but I digress...

The unfortunate result of stupid decisions is that rarely must the decision-maker bear the consequences alone. For the gambler, his family will likely have to help pay his debt to avoid the consequences of unpaid debt in prison. For the rest of us prisoners, his wife, children, mother and father, siblings, and other loved ones all share the burden of our stupid decisions. 

And politicians? Well, like with prisoners, it's the innocent ones who suffer the consequences of their stupid choices. 

Michigan Prison Reform

Prison reform is always a hot button issue for politicians to talk about. To appear soft on crime by suggesting any policy change that would result in criminals doing less time in prison has been considered political suicide. But some courageous politicians are beginning to see that the lengthy prison term policies of the last few decades have only served to burden the states (and federal government) with a very costly and overcrowded prison system. 

In Michigan alone, nearly $2 billion of the State's budget goes to the Department of Corrections. Evidence discovered through several recent studies has shown that longer prison sentences do not equate to safer communities or to more rehabilitated prisoners. Yet, some politicians continue to fight for the status quo. 

Undoubtedly, crime should be punished. Victims deserve the assurance that our justice system will punish crime. The problem is in the definition of justice. Many experts are beginning to see the value in restorative justice practices. These practices don't look for retribution only, but restoration between the offender and the community in which they offended. The focus is on repairing the harm done and restoring what can be restored to the victim: monetarily, emotionally, and psychologically. 

Although Michigan continues to resist changes in this direction, recent legislation has sought to begin addressing the mass incarceration problem in Michigan. A fair first step is legislation that would make it harder for the parole board to deny a prisoner parole (when he is eligible) for any reason or for no reason at all. This so called "presumptive parole" bill does not remove the parole board's power to make decisions, but it puts fair guidelines in place to limit their denial of a prisoner's parole to certain important conditions. Although this bill is a common sense first-step solution to over-incarceration, some politicians continue to resist the prison reform our State needs. 

If you'd like to learn more about this bill and other needed reforms so that you can advocate for common sense changes, visit CAPPS or MI-Cure, two prison reform advocacy organizations in Michigan. You can also subscribe to their newsletters if you're interested in staying up to date.

Entitled to Fairness

One prisoner is owed twenty dollars by another prisoner who fails to pay his debt on time. As a result, the first prisoner retaliates, either stabbing, beating up, or robbing the debtor. Not even hours before the prisoner 'sentences' the debtor to such severe retaliation, he is heard bending the ear of anyone who will listen as he airs his grievance of being unfairly railroaded by the courts. The irony of such duplicity is lost on the prisoner. This characteristic of hypocritical and unbalanced belief in fairness, as well as a sense of entitlement, is common among prisoners.

Fairness is a good quality, but when out of balance even something good can become a negative quality. Many prisoners hold the view that they should be treated fairly, but that they may treat others any way they wish, as in the above example. Entitlement, on the other hand, is the belief that one is owed something by another. This might be tangible, such as money, or intangible, such as respect. This sense of entitlement isn't restricted to prisoners, but it is also pervasive throughout society today. In poor communities entitlement is fostered through the abuse of government programs. If one can get something without working for it often enough, they soon come to believe it is owed to them. Even wealthy people can feel entitled, believing that their wealth earns them certain privileges such as respect, special treatment, and judicial blindness. In prison, entitlement persists as prisoners constantly complain about not receiving something, tangible or intangible, that they feel entitled to.

Many criminal characteristics, such as these, may be common even in free society, yet, they don't always lead to criminal behavior. Even so, our job as prisoners is to identify criminal thinking to correct these errors so we become healthy, productive citizens. It's a process many don't know how to even start, and those who do often lack support or resources to be very successful at it. Many prisoners lack the insight or motivation to make fundamental changes in their behaviors or thinking. For those who do though, successful, self-motivated rehabilitation requires resources like appropriate books, educational and spiritual material, guidance and mentorship, or even simple encouragement. 

What resources would you recommend to prisoners who are working to change? Could you be a resource to help a prisoner change? How can you influence a prisoner who doesn't have the insight or motivation to start the work on his own?

Education for Prisoners

Recently the Obama Administration announced a plan to restore access to Pell grants for prisoners in a limited capacity. Recent research conducted by the RAND Corporation (2013) has shown a positive correlation between college education or job training and reduced recidivism (re-offense rates). The more education a prisoner receives while incarcerated, the less likely he or she is to commit more crimes; up to 43% less likely! 

Of course, some object to prisoners having access to free college money when law-abiding citizens, by and large, must take out loans or work extra jobs to put their children through college. This is a valid concern and one I would have shared before coming to prison. However, if education reduces the likelihood of a convict returning to prison by 43% the taxpayers win in the long-run. 

Michigan's budget for the Department of Corrections is nearly $2 billion! Pell grants would allow prisoners access to less than $6,000 per year, and can only be used for college education. Prisoners will never have direct access to these funds. Furthermore, Michigan prisoners cost the taxpayers around $35,000 per year! A reduction in reincarceration rates as significant as this RAND study estimates could save the state significant money in the long run (a $4 to $5 return on every $1 invested). 

Legislation is currently pending in Congress to restore access to Pell grants to prisoners in a more complete way under the "Restoring Education and Learning (REAL) Act." Please ask your Congressional representative to support this important legislation. It's good for prisoners, and it's good for Michigan taxpayers.

Every Crime Has a Victim

Before coming to prison I was pretty ignorant about the law and crime in general. When you obey traffic laws, pay your taxes on time, and don't rob or kill people you don't think too much about crime. Unless of course you live around it all the time. Only after coming to prison did I begin to hear about "victim-less crimes." These would be property crimes, embezzlement, cheating on your taxes, drunk driving (no accident), etc. But doesn't all crime have a victim? If you break into a home and steal something, the homeowner is victimized. If you embezzle money, the business or organization is victimized and consequently the owners or beneficiaries. Tax cheats, while perhaps entitled to their own money, nevertheless break the law and cost other taxpayers money. Drunk drivers who don't hit anyone or anything fall into a broader category that all crimes fit into. The families who are disrupted and financially strained when their loved one goes to jail or prison are the victims. Every crime has a victim and unfortunately the impact is usually much broader than those who the crime was committed against. Most victims would like to see their perpetrator punished, and crime should be punished. But for many, both victim and perpetrator may benefit from restorative practices that are aimed at healing the hurt the victim experienced, and healing the brokenness of the perpetrator by humanizing the impact of their crime. The time for "lock 'em up and throw away the key" is over. Let's start focusing on healing so victims don't have to be victims forever and criminals who truly regret their crimes can be a part of restoring peace to their victims.

Independence Day Behind Bars

Holiday weekends are always difficult in prison. Yeah, we have activities to keep us busy and help take our minds off of the free world, but these do little to stem the feeling of isolation. I should be spending time with my family. I shouldn't be tossing horseshoes or playing bingo with hundreds of other men. I should be playing cornhole, barbequing brats and hamburgers, and watching fireworks with my family and friends. Daily I hear other men talk about 'the last time' they were in prison, and how it's so much worse today than it used to be. I can't for the life of me imagine what would compel someone to do anything that would return them to these circumstances! Nothing is worth losing everything that prison costs you.
I'm grateful for the sacrifices our soldiers make to keep our nation safe, but it's hard to celebrate freedom from behind bars.

I Matter

I remember growing up and seeing a plaque on the wall, perhaps in our bathroom, or in someone else's home (I don't recall), with a saying that went something like, "To Live, To Love, To Leave a Legacy."

I don't know why I remember this, but I do know that for much of my life I've wanted to leave a lasting impact on those around me, if not the world. I never dreamed though of that impact being negative.

After coming to prison I've had to come to terms with the fact that the legacy I had wanted to leave may no longer be possible. But I still have hope that my legacy will be one of redemption.

I think for most prisoners though, the thought of leaving a positive mark on the world is so foreign it never even enters the picture. It's not because some prisoners don't want to be remembered for making a positive difference, but because most can't get past the desire to be remembered at all. It's difficult to dream about having what one does matter when one feels like he doesn't matter to anyone.

I'm fortunate to still have some family and friends who care about me, and to who I matter, but many prisoners aren't so fortunate. Many are alone because of how they have treated their family and former friends, or because of their crimes. But many more are alone because they've simply been forgotten. It's one of the cruelest consequences of prison: Out of sight, out of mind.

It's very difficult to dig deep and nurture and develop what it takes to leave a positive mark on the world when the world would have you forgotten.

Even so, every positive legacy takes courage. It takes resilience. It takes patience. When every other voice would condemn your worth and potential, it takes reminding yourself that your greatest value is in who you are, not in what you've done, or not done.

I know that I matter. Maybe right now I matter most to the man next to me who needs to know that he matters, but some day the choices I make right now will mean that I matter to those who matter the most to me.

Wavern Dean

Recently we prisoners at Lakeland Correctional Facility were able to enjoy a concert by award-winning christian recording artist Wavern Dean. He and his wife Janae, through their full-time prison ministry 'Inside Prison Ministry', have devoted their time and talents to reaching out to men and women in prison. It was a real blessing to have them and another couple come and share a Saturday with us. Of course, the experience of an actual professional musician coming into prison was a real treat! These people have big hearts for the often unforgotten people in prison, and they are super-talented as well. Janae writes many of the songs and she obviously has a clear understanding of the hearts and struggles of people in prison. As Wavern sings, he's able to break through the emotional barriers of many of the men (and I'm sure women) in prison put up. If you've never heard their music before, please check it out: Wavern Dean.

Telephone, Telegraph, Tell-a-Prisoner

The other day I was listening to a friend tell a story of when he first came to prison and how he was astounded at how quickly word spreads in prison. Another guy standing with us listening to the story said, 'Telephone, telegraph, tell-a-prisoner'. I found this very funny and ironically accurate. 

Women are often regarded by society as the primary carriers of gossip, but my experience in prison reveals that men are at least as likely,if not more likely, to whisper some juicy news they've heard. 

As is most gossip, I have found that prison gossip is usually very unreliable. I can't tell you how many times I've heard that 'good time' laws were passed (they weren't), that the parole board 'must' release '10,000' prisoners by such-and-such a time because of some lawsuit won (there was no suit), or that so-and-so is a rat (told by a guy who likely talks freely with the police himself). 

The fact is, gossip is rarely reliable. It might tell you some of the story, but not all of it, or it might be like that pass-the-message game we played as kids and get to you completely backwards. 

Now when I hear a rumor, I take the advice I was given shortly after coming to prison: Believe nothing you hear, and only half of what you see."

A cheerful word

Finally, winter's icy grip gives way and spring yields a sunny day, warm by recent standards, but one which we'll consider cold within a few months. 

I think I'll take advantage of the weather and go for a walk with my buddy Tom. I leave my unit when yard opens after dinner and head next door to get Tom from his unit. 

Since I'm not allowed in a unit that's not mine, I wait for another inmate who is entering the unit and I ask him to get my friend. This "door call" as it's called, is the prisoner equivalent of a text or ring of the doorbell. A low tech solution in a no-tech world. 

"Let's go!" Tom says emerging from the unit already anticipating it's me and why I'm "calling."
We head out back to walk the track now that the winter mess has dried out enough to clear up the mud.

We walk at a brisk pace, combining exercise with conversation. Other prisoners also walk or run on the track while a few do pull-ups, bear crawls, or other calisthenics to stay in shape. 

We leave the track a couple of miles later and head out to walk around the entire compound. it's an opportunity to greet other prisoners we know and strengthen unlikely friendships with men from many different backgrounds.

The warm spring day has many prisoners outside enjoying the escape from winter's long incarceration. Some men gather around picnic tables playing dominoes, some gather in small groups sharing stories of days gone by - in prison and out, some play handball or softball, and others tend the flowers and landscaping. 

In a place this depressing a cheerful word or a brightly colored flower might bring a smile to the face of someone who otherwise has nothing to live for.

It might not be much, but as Tom and I walk, we try to give that cheerful word, praying it makes a difference in even one man's life. It might just be that spark that kindles a fire of hope in the heart of someone who has given up on life. 

In the meantime, as we walk, we find our own hope growing stronger. It's the inevitable fruit of planting hope in the lives of others.

Not quite a holiday - Chicken Sunday

It's Sunday today. Not just any Sunday though. It's chicken Sunday. That "special" day every two weeks we inmates are served a chicken leg at either the lunch or dinner meal. It's really the only meal with real, unprocessed meat we get and most inmates look forward to it. Some indigent inmates look forward to it because they can sell their chicken for two ramen noodles to other prisoners. 

These prisoners will bring the extra chicken back to the unit from the chow hall to use in a cookup. It's a win-win for both sides. One gets noodles to trade for coffee shots (the new prison crack) while the other gets a protein for his cookup that is much less expensive than the overpriced meatsticks available on the commissary list. 

Fifteen to twenty minutes before our unit is called to chow, prisoners begin gathering in anticipation. If the unit officer allows it many of us gather in the lobby of our unit, the cacophony of voices like the hum of bees from a recently disturbed hive. Unlike a hive of bees though, the banal conversations here have no meaning and serve only to wile away the time. 

"Chow time!!", the unit officer announces loudly, setting off a semi-organized stampede for the door. Decorum mostly prevails as we move out like a herd of cattle for the walk/fast-walk to the chow hall. Those prisoners who have spent time in higher security levels, and who haven't become complacent to the inherent dangers of being caught in the middle of a crowd of prisoners, hang back for the rush to settle down before heading to chow. 

Today I'm lucky. Another inmate wants to trade me his chicken for my almost equally coveted chocolate chip cookie. I jump at the opportunity, eager to make a chicken soup tonight; something special to eat while watching the season finale of one of my favorite tv shows, whose title is an ironic metaphor for the life of many Michigan prisoners: The Walking Dead.

Another typical morning in a Michigan Prison

I'm awakened by the sound of a locker shutting or perhaps the rattling of a bag of instant coffee as another inmate in my cube is up at 5 am getting ready to work his shift in the kitchen serving breakfast. After straining to see the time on the clock in the hallway outside my cube. I sink back into my pillow for a few more minutes of rest on my lumpy mat that rests on a steel plate. 

My internal clock wakes me again a few minutes before the alarm on my wristwatch goes off at 6 am and wakes me and any other light sleepers in my cube. I debate laying in my bed a few minutes longer, but my commitments win out and I get up to prepare for the day. Before leaving my bed, I drink heavily from the cup of water I filled the night before, satiating the deep thirst the dry, warm air from overnight has caused my parched throat.

After carefully slipping off my top bunk so as to not wake my sleeping bunkie, I dress quietly and put my shoes on. Now it's my turn to make some noise, no matter how hard I try to unlock my locker quietly. I grab my toiletry bag and my face towel and head to the bathroom to freshen up before breakfast. As I walk quietly down the hallway some other inmates are already up watching music videos on BET, MTV, CMT, or Centric, while others are catching the early morning news. A few other inmates are likewise getting up and preparing for the day. Every morning, at least one inmate shuffles his feet down the entire length of the hallway, too lazy to actually pick up his feet while he walks, oblivious (or perhaps intentionally thoughtless) to the noise he's making. As I make my way down the hallway, I pay attention to the empty beds to see if anyone was snatched up and transferred during the night. 

I enter the saloon-style doors of the bathroom and try to find a sink that looks somewhat clean - a difficult task in a unit of 160 men. After I wash my hands and face and brush my teeth before breakfast. Not all other inmates are courteous enough to eliminate their morning breath before sitting around a table for four talking as if their breath isn't ruining my already bland breakfast. 

As I wash my face, my nose begins to bleed from the dry, hot night air. Healthcare refuses to prescribe the allergy medication I need telling me instead that I'll have to "suffer through it."

At the sink next to me a Sunni muslim performs his ritual washing while other inmates wash their faces and brush their teeth. Each man is polite and conscious of the fact that everyone is still half asleep. After stashing my toiletry bag in my locker I grab my English Composition book and notes and head to the quiet room to study with a couple of other inmates before breakfast. Breakfast is called between 6:45 am and 7:30 am so there's not much time to study. 

After breakfast a busy schedule of studying, tutoring, and working out will quickly fill the morning. As the hive of men awakens, the peace and quiet of the morning will give way to loud, banal conversations. 

Before this happens though, I enjoy the peace for a few minutes, setting my mind right with time in God's Word and preparing to meet the stresses of the day.
It's just another typical morning in a Michigan Prison.

Have you had your ears tickled lately?

I had a conversation recently with a guy here in prison about how many inmates hear something relevant to their lives, nod their head in affirmation, verbally agree, and then go their way making absolutely no changes in their behaviors. He was frustrated by the complacency around us. Here we are, broken people we are sometimes taught what needs to change in our lives, and for many those changes never happen. 

The ironic thing is that this phenomenon is not isolated to criminal populations. How many people attend seminars, or retreats and get excited about what they hear, but never apply it to their lives? How many people sit in church every week silencing, for a moment, their guilty consciences, but fail to apply the truths they hear to their lives? How many millions of people pay money to have a professional tell them what they need to change (doctors, counselors, life coaches, etc.) only to never make the changes? 

Why are so many people content to have their ears tickled for a time without yielding any lasting effect on their lives? Whether in prison or out, we are at a point in our lives that is a result of a collection of choices in our past and so, we often can't make the positive changes in our lives immediately. We can only make these positive changes slowly as an accumulation of small positive choices. Maybe for some if it can't be done overnight it's not worth the effort. And so they continue to behave badly, make more poor choices, and bear the fruit that comes with these decisions. 

I'm tired of bearing bad fruit in my life. I refuse to stay stuck in the rut of poor choices. Yeah, it takes work, but I want my choices to bear good fruit. I want my children to be proud of me, my parents to be proud of me, and most of all I want my choices to finally reflect my identity as a child of God. It's time to put truth to work in our lives. Are you up for it? 

Freedom Starts Now

I've noticed an interesting trend in prison that doesn't really come as a surprise to me. As an inmate draws closer to his earliest release date he begins to modify his behavior so that he looks good for the parole board. He might have had a history of violence or substance abuse in (and out of) prison, but when he "gets short" he'll avoid conflict or stop abusing substances. He may have a history of wasting his time, but suddenly he begins to volunteer to take classes or find other ways to gain official recognition for a job well done. Even the Michigan Department of Corrections contributes to this problem by reserving some programming for prisoners nearing their release date. 

I suppose it's human nature to do what is necessary to give freedom a better chance, but when I speak to guys here I try to help them develop the urgency to change, regardless of their potential out-date. Freedom doesn't start beyond the fence, but inside each person regardless of geography. Freedom starts when drugs, alcohol, or other addictions no longer control you. Freedom starts when you have peace despite your circumstances. Freedom starts when you no longer allow others to dictate your behavior. 

Yes, release from prison is something to look forward to and to plan ahead for, but freedom can begin long before those doors open and a prisoner steps across the threshold into life outside the fence. Freedom starts now! 

Bunkbeds aren't just for kids

One thing about prison in Michigan is that you can almost be guaranteed that you'll have a bunk-mate, or bunkie as it's commonly called. Very few prisons have single-man cells, and those that do usually reserve them for predatorial inmates. 

The problem with having a bunkie is that it's a crapshoot. You could get anyone, and you sleep either right below or right above them. You have no choice in the matter.
I've had a cornucopia of bunkies in my six years (so far) in prison. I was fortunate to have my own cell for two of those years, but the trade-off was that i was housed in the only all single-cell prison where many of the difficult to manage predators were located. Of 1300 prisoners, over 350 of them were designated as predators for one reason or another. 

The bunkies I have had include Sunni muslims, Nation of Islam members, Moabites, Christians, gang members, robbers, murderers, rapists, and homosexuals. I've had clean-freaks, and nasty bunkies, and everything in between. I've had bunkies threaten and try to intimidate me for no reason, hate me because I'm white, steal from me, encourage me, share with me, and teach me the ins-and-outs of prison life. 

Getting a bad bunkie is, I imagine, like being stuck in a bad marriage. But here you have to learn to make it work. Sometimes it's these "small" things that make a huge difference in how you do your time. 

I'm fortunate to have a great bunkie right now and I feel blessed. I'm fortunate to have the size and respect of others that makes someone think twice about following through on threats, and the conflict resolution skills to avoid it coming to that in the first place. But ultimately I give God glory for keeping me safe in the midst of people who need no reason to do me harm. 

I Refuse To Set New Year's Resolutions

New Year's resolutions are like a new diet. You're excited about starting, but then it becomes a chain around your ankles keeping you from the feeling of freedom. 

I don't make resolutions any more because I discovered that they are nothing more than an expression of our desires without the commitment to follow through.

I wrote a blog post some time back about Active Hope. This hope is more than desire. It is desire mixed with action. I've come to understand that a lot of the difference is in the strength of our faith in the final result. What do you envision in the end?

The same goes for our desires. Author Napoleon Hill called this "definiteness of purpose" (Think and Grow Rich). Dr. Charles Stanley called it discipline when he said, "Discipline, not desire, determines our destiny."

Every desire we have must have a definiteness of purpose if we are to achieve it. It's not enough to simply desire a thing. You can't say, "I want to lose weight" and achieve it without first clarifying the desire (lose 20 lbs), setting a time goal (by March 1st), and having a definiteness of purpose behind it. 

There must be more behind our desires. They must be quantifiable, measurable, and so fixed in our minds as achievable that we already see them accomplished. Desires, just like faith and hope, must have feet to bear fruit. 

So consider not setting New Year's resolutions. Determine what your desires are and start by making a plan to accomplish them. Then develop the definiteness of purpose needed to see them as already achieved before you actually accomplish it.