Longing for the Gift of Healing and Restoration

 I find myself trying to write a Christmas-themed post, but my mind keeps wandering towards how chaotic and isolating this year has been. Usually, right after Thanksgiving I begin to feel the Christmas spirit, even in prison. I begin listening to Christmas music, and reminiscing privately on good holiday memories with those I've loved. That hasn't been the case this year. Other than playing a few Christmas songs on my guitar, I've thought very little about the holidays. 

Many people outside of prison are scrambling to purchase gifts online and figure out what sort of Christmas gatherings they are allowed to have. Surely, Christmas will look different for many people this year. But frankly, it's not really that different than most years in prison. Sure, we're not allowed face-to-face visits this year, and that'll be hard for those of us who may have loved ones normally visit around or on Christmas. For most prisoners, though, Christmas in 2020 is as isolating as any other year. 

To be sure, there's a lot about the holiday season I don't miss. I don't miss the obsessive consumerism, economic stress, family drama, holiday work rush, crazy store crowds, and holiday traffic. What I do miss, though, are the little things. I miss family tree decorating, baking cookies, drinking hot cider, driving around looking at Christmas lights with the family, caroling to hospital patients, and watching my children's faces light up with surprise and joy. 

Mostly, I miss the spirit of togetherness the holidays bring. Prison has a way of shedding light on what is most important, and I've discovered how much I value family togetherness and unity. Maybe these have become so important to me because I no longer have them. Relationships have taken on a significance that no Christmas lights, tree surrounded by gifts, or any other holiday trapping can ever replace. 

It's depressing to think about the relationships I no longer have because of the damage I caused with my crime. Repairing those relationships from within prison has proven to be a nearly impossible task. I guess if I were to wish for one thing this Christmas, it'd be for the chance to make things right with those whom I care about the most. Repairing relationships is hard, for sure, but it's worth the effort. At least, it's worth the effort to me. 

Memories of past holidays are worth cherishing. Although they are tinged with regret for the damage I've caused, I hold those memories in my heart. But I hope to create new memories someday, too. The hope that Christmas brings, hope of a future time when God will free this world from its current chaos, is the same hope that fills my heart with longing for restoration and healing in my relationships. That gift would truly be the best I could ever have. 

Now, may the peace, joy, and love of Christ fill each of you this Christmas season and in the coming year.