I've said before that prison is a very lonely place. It's very isolating, despite being surrounded by hundreds of other men; despite being stacked like sardines in tight places. In fact, it's difficult in prison to find a quiet place alone... and yet, it's still terribly lonely.
Joseph F. Newton said that, "People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." When someone ends up in prison that's one of the strongest walls that separates him from people he cares about, and who care about him. Bridges are built around common experiences and interests, and prison is not common between most people in prison and their loved ones outside. Even men who share the same experience of prison don't always share similar life experiences otherwise, and if they don't, they likely won't form connections.
Shared experiences are key to growing deep and lasting roots in relationships. Prison cuts off those shared experiences for most prisoners and their loved ones. Nobody in prison enjoys sharing prison experiences with those they love. After all, prison is a source of shame, not a badge of honor, despite what may be portrayed in some music genres. And some loved ones may not want to share their experiences with the person in prison for fear of hurting feelings or making the separation harder.
The end result for many prisoners is that their relationships with those they once considered close fade or die. Just like relationships between two free people, relationships between prisoners and the ones they love take work. And perhaps the work is harder because of these walls we build, intentional or otherwise, but the work is worth it. At least for me.
Sometimes the chasm seems impossible to cross, but until there is no longer a chance, I will continue to work on building bridges. I need people in my life, and although I built walls by coming to prison, I'm working on tearing down those walls and even using the rubble in the process.
