Not a Dead Beat Dad

 After experiencing years of emotional and verbal abuse in his marriage, in 2018 Kevin went through a contentious divorce. He turned to alcohol to dim the pain he was feeling, but his ex-wife then used his alcoholism to keep him from his young boys. Nothing in life is more important to Kevin than his boys. Fueled by his growing stress, loss of control over his life, and fear of losing his boys, Kevin assaulted his ex-wife. Alcoholism had not only served to dull his pain, but it also contributed to his poor decision-making in dealing with stress. It's a decision he deeply regrets. He said it does not reflect the person he knows himself to be. 

Kevin was arrested, charged, and convicted of felonious assault, with intent to do great bodily harm less than murder. His sentencing guidelines would have had him serve 5-23 months in prison, but his sentencing judge had a reputation for abusing his judicial powers. Kevin was sentenced to 48-120 months in prison. 

Since coming to prison, Kevin's ex-wife has continued to keep him from communicating at all with his young sons, making this the most difficult part of his incarceration. However, he acknowledges that he needed the interruption prison has provided to gain perspective on his life. Kevin has re-discovered, in prison, the centrality of his faith, the importance of consistency in prayer, and the urgent necessity of maintaining sobriety. He is anxious to teach his sons some of the important lessons he has learned while incarcerated. 

One important period in his incarceration as what he described as a "spiritual awakening" during a Keryx retreat weekend. Run entirely by religious volunteers, the Keryx weekend is an intense weekend of spiritual renewal. One of the most important aspects of that weekend for Kevin was experiencing the compassion of complete strangers. He notes that discovering strangers genuinely care about him, a prisoner, contributed to his renewed commitment to his faith. Even more than a year later, his renewed faith continues to be central to his life. He says the assurance of God's presence in his life, even in prison, has been comforting. 

In addition to this weekend of spiritual renewal, Kevin has benefitted from his time as a Leader Dog trainer and his acceptance into the auto mechanics vocational trade program. He is excited about earning his master mechanic certification and has dreams of one day owning his own repair shop. He looks forward to being able to provide financially for his boys again. His deep love for and devotion to his sons is evident in almost all of his conversations. Mixed into his undeniable love for his boys is an underlying fear that his ex-wife will continue to keep him out of their lives. One of his greatest desires is to be an active presence in their lives. 

Kevin noted how prison has humbled him and given him a clearer vision for his (and his boys') future. He said this experience has made him a "better person," meaning God-fearing, sober, and committed to being a productive person. He has also committed his time in prison to helping other men gain and maintain sobriety. Although he has tried to make amends to his ex-wife for the harm he caused her, he has been unable to thus far. However, he is committed to showing her and others that he is serious about his transformation. 

Kevin is fortunate to have the love and support of a few family members, but he notes that others are conspicuously absent from his life. Losing a beloved uncle who was like a father has been a difficult part of his incarceration. He states that it doesn't yet feel real because he hasn't been able to experience closure yet. Coping with this loss by himself has been difficult. 

While Kevin has clearly benefitted from his time in prison, he believes prison does serve well its intended purpose and is now focused on rehabilitation. He observes that only those who want to change, who are willing to do the work on their own, are going to change. The rest, he says, treat prison like a "boys club" where they take pride in earning the "social stature" of having spent time in the joint. Kevin, though, takes no pride in being in prison. Instead, returning to his sons and being the best father he can be is his number one focus.