Covid Chronicles--Prison Edition; Surprising Gratefulness

 The last several weeks have been difficult as the coronavirus spread throughout MTU prison. As I have written about, chaos has been the norm, and lack of planning and communication has been a problem. For someone who generally has a glass-half-full mentality, it's been tough to stay positive. But this morning, I woke up feeling grateful. Perhaps it is the approaching holiday, but I'd like to think that I have just adjusted my perspective a little. Time alone to reflect can do that for me. 

You might wonder what there is to be grateful for in the midst of a pandemic racing through prison. I am locked up, after all, and I am powerless to protect myself from the virus. All of this is true, and many more negative things on which I could choose to focus. But it could be worse...much worse. 

For the last four-and-a-half years, I have been part of a college community in prison. I have formed deep and lasting friendships with other prisoners in the program, and we have formed a community, a brotherhood behind bars. When I first arrived to the program, I was surprised and blessed by the community I found. But familiarity breeds discontent, or it can if you let it. 

As our community experienced a breakup due to many moves, I (and other student-prisoners I have talked to) realized just how precious our community has been. It has been a nearly five-year reprieve from "normal" prison. I'm grateful for the opportunity to realize just how amazing I have had it for the last five years. I cherish the friendships I have formed, and I'm grateful for the example of how communities should work (even if imperfectly). 

This pandemic, and getting moved out of my cell, out of my housing unit and into another, was frustrating. But I'm also grateful that it offered me the chance to connect with friends I haven't spoken to or seen in a month or two, or hung out with for over nine months. I'm grateful that despite being moved, I have a cell to myself (for the time being). 

Having a cell to myself has afforded me the chance to practice my guitar unhindered until my fingers hurt each day. I have also enjoyed the quiet time to read, listen to music, study Spanish, and reflect on my life. My life has been busy the last five years, which I enjoy. But that busy-ness has meant less time for personal reflection. It has meant less time to think about what is next (after prison). I'm grateful for the time I've had lately to think about and (tentatively) plan for what's next. 

I'm also grateful that, although I did catch coronavirus, I suffered only minor symptoms. I've had flus worse than what I experienced. It wasn't pleasant, but it could have been much worse. Other prisoners here, including some I know, have suffered much more through their sickness. Sadly, one or two prisoners here (whom I did not know) have died. I'm grateful to still be alive. 

Although I went nearly ten days without access to daytime yard, I'm grateful to now be able to enjoy the sunshine, breathe fresh air, and begin to rebuild my endurance through exercise. A sedentary lifestyle is not for me. This down time has shown me just how crucial exercise is to good mental health. I'm grateful I enjoy exercising and that I am healthy enough to do so. 

This morning we received our first communication from the administration about what to expect in the days ahead. The administration is tentatively planning to partially open things back up (we'll return to the chow hall for meals, for example), on November 30th. I'm grateful for the anticipation of a return to "normal," whatever that may look like. Whatever it does look like, I hope I choose to focus on the positives. Waking up with gratefulness in my heart is much more pleasant than feeling anxious and frustrated all the time.