Finding Hope in Prison's Sea of Despondency

 As I've written about before, the holidays, particularly Thanksgiving and Christmas, are very difficult for men and women in prison. It's a time of year where the loneliness of prison is especially acute, and where prisoners' regrets are especially heavy. 

The holidays often mean gatherings with family, cooking delicious meals, and giving and receiving joy. But in prison, these things are lacking, deeply missed, and replaced by desperation. Now, the prison where I am currently housed is on Covid-19 outbreak status (two housing units so far). This status only increases the isolation, loneliness, boredom, and desperation. 

Suicides and attempts rise during this time of year for everyone, but especially for those in prison. Not being able to visit face-to-face with family during the holidays because of a Covid outbreak only worsens things for many prisoners. Thankfully, though, we do have access to video visits still. But it's not the same. 

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, and especially because of the terrible weightiness in prison during the holidays, I'm beginning to make a list of things I'm thankful for. This practice is helpful for keeping depression at bay. 

During an especially depressing time in my prison sentence, I spent 15 weeks journaling every day about something I was grateful for. It was very difficult some days to see anything clearly enough to be grateful for, but soon that changed.

After a few weeks, I began to see things I'd never noticed before, little things mostly. I began to notice a butterfly floating by, or a small flower blooming in an unusual place. I began to notice small acts of kindness I'd overlooked before, and my appreciation for people around me grew. 

Now, as I feel a heaviness permeate my housing unit, I'm wondering how I can help others find hope in the midst of hopelessness. I don't expect I'll be able to help everyone, but just like I looked for things to be grateful for every day, I feel the draw to look for opportunities to encourage the men around me who are wallowing in what Paul Bunyan called the "Slough of Despondency." 

If I can make the difference in the life of one person, THAT will be something for which I can be grateful. 

Happy Thanksgiving, ya'll!