Some Prisoners Lack Basic Social Courtesy and Self-Awareness

Recently at work, one of the prisoner students showed up and began studying on the computer for one of the tests he's required to take. Like other mornings, this 50-something year old prisoner, who has been in prison since he was a juvenile, sits at the same computer after vigorously wiping everything down first. He's a germaphobe. One of the worst I've seen in prison.

Soon, he has his headphones on as he listens to the videos he's watching. Completely oblivious to the other prisoners and a staff member in the room, he yawns loudly. This is the first of several very loud yawns he will make each morning. He also "clicks" his throat repeatedly in a loud and annoying way. He's oblivious to anything he is doing that is irritating, but he's also highly sensitive to anything someone else does that irritates him. 

This prisoner, like many others, lacks appropriate social awareness. He lacks at least two of the three markers of emotional intelligence: Self-Awareness, Emotional Self-Regulation, and Empathy. 

Self-awareness involves awareness of one's physical and emotional being. It includes spatial awareness of one's body, including awareness of how things like one's volume of noise affects others. Many, many prisoners completely lack awareness of how loud they are being and how that noise level affects others around them. Spatial awareness also involves understanding that one does not "own" space, and awareness that oneself is in the way of others. Far too many prisoners lack this basic awareness. 

Self-awareness also affects how some prisoners perceive others, causing them to have distorted perceptions of others. Minor infractions are blown out of proportion because prisoners without self-awareness falsely believe they are above reproach. Others' infractions are endowed with malicious motives, even if done without awareness of their effect. 

Prisoners lacking self-awareness perform very little self-evaluation. Things happen to them and are usually the fault of others. If one's fault is evident, it is often dismissed as no big deal. These prisoners minimize their blame for nearly everything. They also have very distorted perceptions of themselves. 

These distorted perceptions are why the prisoner above is hyper critical of others without any awareness of his immaturity or annoying behavior. It's also why the biggest clown in my housing unit recently fumed, "I've never seen so many clowns in all my life!" or why others constantly complain about other prisoners' behavior while their own frustrates and annoys everyone else. 

I like to think that I am particularly conscious, both of myself and others. I think that belief is based largely on truth, but I am open to others pointing out when I lack self-awareness. It's important to me not only to be aware of myself, but also responsible for myself. It's also important to me that I am aware of others and how I affect them. 

I suppose we're all growing, but it's difficult for me to have much hope for some prisoners who have failed to learn these basic skills after decades in prison. One should not have to be told that scraping a chair across the concrete floor at 5AM is loud and wakes people up. Nor should a grown man have to be told that his yawn is annoyingly loud. It's just basic common courtesy.