Choosing Merry Over Misery During Christmas in Prison

 We received our "Christmas bags" the other day during count time. These are little goodie bags purchased by the Prisoner Benefit Fund, which means they are funded by prisoners' purchases from commissary, not from taxpayer dollars. It's a little treat we can enjoy, and for many prisoners the only "gift" they'll get during the holidays.

When I first came to prison nearly 16 years ago, the Christmas bags we received were much larger. They were usually $8 bags of goodies, but back then $8 went a lot farther. Today, the Christmas bags are somewhere around $6 bags, and because of inflation the goodies have gotten smaller and sparser. 

Still, I'm grateful for the extra snacks, especially because we cannot order these snacks from our commissary. I was happy, even, to see a candy cane stick in the bag. Why not make it a little Christmas festive? 

Not surprisingly, as I returned to my cell with my goodie bag, I heard other prisoners complaining about theirs. "These bags used to be so much bigger!" or "They've cheated us again! The Warden must be using our money to buy his own Christmas gifts!" It didn't take long for the general discontent to turn to conspiracies. 

I get it. It's hard to feel grateful in prison. It's hard to see the bright side when you're surrounded by darkness. It's especially hard to see the bright side when the darkness is coming from inside you! A little bag of goodies doesn't erase the pain of being separated from loved ones during the holidays. It doesn't reverse the injustices one feels every day in prison. It certainly doesn't blow away the cloud of depression that settles over so many in prison during the holidays. 

But a little bag of goodies IS something, no matter how small, to be grateful for. Yes, maybe it's a "pacifier" to keep the prison population passive. And yes, the legislature passing a bill that would allow us to earn time off our sentences would be better. But ulterior motives or wishing for something better doesn't change the fact that one can find a little joy in simple things. 

The older I get, and I suppose the wiser I get, the more I realize that we create so much of our own reality. We can't always control the circumstances around us, if we ever can. Yet, if we wait for our circumstances to align with our ideas of perfection, we'll never be happy. We'll never be content. 

This Christmas, as we celebrate the birth of Jesus, let's remember that He didn't let His circumstances derail His purpose or to steal His joy. I'm not happy to be in prison, but prison is a circumstance that I refuse to surrender my power to. Even if that power is to simply choose gratitude for simple things like little Christmas goodie bags.