Recently a prison official was killed in Colorado, supposedly by a gang member who had just been released from prison. This is a tragedy any way that you look at it. That's why I was struck by what the wife of the murdered man said when interviewed by CNN. She said that her husband had told her that many of the victims of prisoners were in a prison of their own through unforgiveness. She was choosing to forgive the man who murdered her husband because she refused to imprison herself through unforgiveness.
Forgiveness is extremely important for victims of crimes so that they do not make worse their victimization. It's probably the most important element of healing from what was done to them (or their loved one). But I realize it's hard to do. It's so much easier to hold onto their anger and bitterness and to justify it because of what was done to them. But holding onto this anger and bitterness only imprisons the victim.
Forgiveness is important for prisoners too. Forgiveness from the victim (or family) is important for healing, both mentally and emotionally. Also important though is the prisoner's ability to forgive himself. When your crime has devastated not just yourself (through imprisonment and loss), but your family, who has to deal with the numerous consequences of your crime and subsequent imprisonment, the guilt and shame can be overwhelming.
I recently spoke with a man who is serving time for killing two people while driving drunk. He told me that there's not a day that goes by that he doesn't think about his victims and their families and the loss the he caused. He'll go home in a few years and be able to start his life over, and for some that doesn't seem like justice since he took two lives. But for some prisoners, the guilt of what they did will be a lifelong prison they'll live in. You might ask why he shouldn't live with that prison of guilt?
When you can't forgive yourself, you give power to the person you were, making it impossible to change. Forgiving oneself does not mean living with no regrets. I'll always regret what I did and all the loss and pain it caused. But I choose to forgive myself because I refuse to empower the man I was, to hold me back from the man I'm becoming.
I can only pray that in time, those who need to will free themselves by forgiving me. Forgiveness doesn't excuse the behavior, Forgiveness prevents the behavior from destroying your heart.
