Okay, I admit it. I sometimes enjoy watching the Dr. Phil show. I've also read his recent book, "Life Code". This book lists some excellent signs of the criminal mindset. While Dr. Phil doesn't call them signs of the criminal mindset, nearly every one listed in his "Evil Eight" or "Nefarious Fifteen" are found in abundance in prisoners.
One concept Dr. Phil often talks about is, "Are you a right-fighter?" In other words, is your desire to be right stronger than every other desire? Do you find yourself defending yourself or your position at the cost of solving a problem or healing a relationship? Are you so focused on being right that you miss the bigger picture?
I am a "right-fighter". It's not something I'm proud of, and now that I'm aware of it, I seek to surrender my need to be right in order to achieve what's more important. That doesn't mean a sarcastic response of, "You're right... you're always right!" It means suspending the need to express my position in order to better understand another's. It's the desire to find common ground to build on rather than erecting a monument to my own "rightness." And sometimes it means walking away from a disagreement because two right-fighters will never find common ground.
I often wonder how many relationships I've lost or damaged because of my need to be right. I've been told plenty of times that I'm arrogant, and I'm sure it's usually because of my need to be right. It's time for a change. I think the hardest things to let go are lies about my actions or character. But I've come to realize that if I live my life in such a way that I am known as trustworthy and a man of integrity, then I don't need to worry about my reputation. I can instead focus on healing relationships with those I've hurt and disappointed, and on building new relationships where people feel value by me.
