I Matter

I remember growing up and seeing a plaque on the wall, perhaps in our bathroom, or in someone else's home (I don't recall), with a saying that went something like, "To Live, To Love, To Leave a Legacy."

I don't know why I remember this, but I do know that for much of my life I've wanted to leave a lasting impact on those around me, if not the world. I never dreamed though of that impact being negative.

After coming to prison I've had to come to terms with the fact that the legacy I had wanted to leave may no longer be possible. But I still have hope that my legacy will be one of redemption.

I think for most prisoners though, the thought of leaving a positive mark on the world is so foreign it never even enters the picture. It's not because some prisoners don't want to be remembered for making a positive difference, but because most can't get past the desire to be remembered at all. It's difficult to dream about having what one does matter when one feels like he doesn't matter to anyone.

I'm fortunate to still have some family and friends who care about me, and to who I matter, but many prisoners aren't so fortunate. Many are alone because of how they have treated their family and former friends, or because of their crimes. But many more are alone because they've simply been forgotten. It's one of the cruelest consequences of prison: Out of sight, out of mind.

It's very difficult to dig deep and nurture and develop what it takes to leave a positive mark on the world when the world would have you forgotten.

Even so, every positive legacy takes courage. It takes resilience. It takes patience. When every other voice would condemn your worth and potential, it takes reminding yourself that your greatest value is in who you are, not in what you've done, or not done.

I know that I matter. Maybe right now I matter most to the man next to me who needs to know that he matters, but some day the choices I make right now will mean that I matter to those who matter the most to me.