Finding Hope in the Holidays, Even in Prison

I'm a bit of a scrooge when it comes to Christmas. I mean, I don't hate Christmas or anything, but since coming to prison I've found it difficult to feel very festive. I've also developed an aversion to the excessive materialism found at Christmastime. Nevertheless, I recognize that much of how I feel at this time of year is directly tied to my inability to be present with my family, to share in the little (and big) joys of the season. Perhaps if I was not in prison, I would feel differently. 

But as I recently thought about my Grinchy-ness, I was reminded that Christmas is about others. It's about celebrating the birth of our Savior, and it's about giving to others. Despite all the misery and lack of connection or joy I feel because of being in prison, I know others are suffering much more than I am. I am in prison because of terrible choices I made, but my family suffers every year when I am absent, through no fault of their own. Yet, some of them put on a brave face and try to make Christmas special for me, even though I cannot be there with them. 

I also think about the fact that I still have some family in my life (for which I am deeply grateful!). Some of the other men around me in prison have no family or friends left in their lives. They suffer far more than I do, and they often do so in silence. I think about the families who lost their incarcerated loved one this year to the Coronavirus, or of the prisoners who lost a loved one outside of prison to the same. Often, these losses were sudden and unexpected, and they had no opportunity to say goodbye. I'm deeply grateful for the gift of family and friends who make my life richer, despite the hardship of razor wire fences separating us. 

Yes, being separated from loved ones during the holidays is incredibly difficult, but I still have so many incredible gifts for which to be thankful. I won't be able to sit around the fireplace drinking hot cider or cocoa, or decorate a tree, shop for last minute gifts in a frenzy, or drive around and enjoy the light displays with my family, but I am still richly blessed. On Christmas morning, I intend to wake up (probably at my usual time) and unwrap the gift of gratefulness. I plan to name, out loud, the incredible gifts God has blessed me with this year, above and beyond the daily gift of His presence in my life. 

So much of life is about perspective, and that goes for in prison too. Yes, the holidays are hard for many of us, but we can choose to be grateful anyway. We realize how rich we are when we stop staring intently at what we wished was and instead look with wonder at what already is. 

To all you loved ones suffering separation from someone you love due to incarceration, may you experience the joy and peace of Christ this season, and may you experience the gift of hope for something beautifully new and surprising this coming new year. 

Merry Christmas!