It's amazing to me how palpable the losses I experienced in coming to prison still are five years later. It seems like a lifetime ago, and yet, the most significant loss, that of my family, is still as painful today as it was five years ago.
There's much I've learned in the last five years about myself, about life, about friendship. I've come to realize that I sacrificed my friendships by my own behavior. But I've also learned that a true friend loves you through your darkest moments. And sometimes those moments last for years.
I've learned that I value family more than I ever thought I did.
I've learned that forgiveness is mainly for one's self.
I've learned that God's grace is greater than I can fathom and that His mercy is just the beginning of His love.
I've learned that nothing in life matters if it is not founded on love.
I've learned that you attract into your life what you put out. So I choose to put out positivity, because I hate negativity. I choose to put out hope because despair scares me. I choose to put out love because I live in a place filled with hate. I choose peace because I've seen what lack of peace does to people. And I choose to live in joy because living in a cloud of misery is not living at all.
There's much in prison that can make you miserable if you choose to focus on it. But choice is the key. Every day when I wake up, I face a choice of wallowing in the cesspool that is prison, or of rising above the quicksand and choosing to focus on the health of my three-part man: Spirit, soul and body.
By exercising my spirit I draw closer to my Creator. By exercising my soul I develop strength of mind, will and emotions. And by exercising my body I stay healthy for my future work, whatever that is.
That's what much of life comes down to though, isn't it? The choices we make? Many of those choices have life-long consequences, but we seldom think about the many daily choices we make that steer our lives in ways we can never imagine.
I don't know how the last chapters of my life will be written, but I am determined that the choices I make today will be the ink that writes a story of hope and redemption.
